Negotiating Troubled Waters

One of the things that often overwhelms a person with PTSD is negotiating troubled waters, difficult relationships, uncharted experiences, and other stuff that is just plain difficult.  Relationship challenges probably hit the top of the list for almost every person with PTSD.  Many resort to reclusing, aloneness, hibernating, withdrawing or some other form of getting the Hell out of Dodge.  Relationships fall apart because a person with PTSD struggles with the skills of maintaining less than ideal relationships.  One article was shared with me and the other one I found.  Both are different sides of the same coin.

Why Unsolicited advice can ruin a relationship.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moments-matter/201608/why-unsolicited-advice-can-ruin-relationships

Walking on Eggshells https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200805/emotional-pollution-in-the-home-walking-eggshells

I’ve done both and I am on the receiving end of both.  My counselor complained that talking to me without stepping on a trigger is almost impossible.  I am so loaded with triggers no matter how careful the other person is, I’m going to have some painful point hit.  I am difficult to be around.  I am thankful to my husband for hanging in there through thick and thin.  I am not easy to have a relationship with.  I can get defensive very fast.  But I also want to share what I learn.  Some people interpret my desire to share as unsolicited advice.  When I share it is not meant as anything but information shared.  To me, unsolicited advice carries and expectation that you do what is advised.  I figure if what I say helps great, if it doesn’t then you have a better plan, awesome.  The teachers that I work with like the way I share information with zero expectations as to how it will be used.  However other people I know are not comfortable with what I share.  I remember early on in my blogging days someone wrote me a scathing comment about how all I did was talk about myself.  Uhhhhhh it is a personal blog and if you don’t like it why are your reading it at all?  Yea, I hit delete, which I can do on a blog.

What to do? What to do?  Well, I am learning that boundaries, learning how to talk to people, and learning when to share and when not to share are social skills.  Most people learn these skills as they grow up.  People that are focused on surviving to the next day don’t take the time to learn these basic social skills.  Other people get frustrated with adults that don’t understand basic give and take in a relationship.  People with PTSD are on high alert to see if they need to dodge a hit or a kick.  Social skills are low priority when survival is a daily struggle.  My first counselor understood my struggle and tried to help me but he needed to move on with his life and now I am still trying to learn basic skills.  Sometimes I do alright, other times not so much.

 

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Negotiating Troubled Waters

  1. Though I haven’t read the links yet, I can relate very well to what you share here. Oh, and I gotta say, about the one who complained that you only talk about yourself. You’re right. It’s your personal blog. And … well, I was taught that in talking about myself, especially sensitive subjects, I both own my experience and avoid stepping on toes, possibly sounding critical. If someone can relate, they are welcome to use and benefit from that. If not, it’s not for them. After all, given the mirror principle, if people are talking about others, they are also talking about themselves – the self they see reflected in others. Hmm. So, for what that’s worth, please keep talking about yourself! You’re very insightful and inspiring — and if I can see that, apparently so am I!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s