Coming out of the Fog

One of the things I learned during my years of counseling is depression acts much like a dense fog covering everything and obscuring my view from all else except the smothering depression.  Since the mask mandate in our area, I am struggling with the worse depression I felt in a long time.  It took a…

All my blogs are changing

All my blogs are changing in format and look not because I am choosing this but because computers changed constantly and I don’t do well with change.  Now that is a complex sentence.  I realized this week that I have not posted on any one of my 3 blogs.  No pictures No PTSD/CPTSD No self. …

Off to work I go

This week I started working at work for 2 days.  Most people would think, “Why is this post worthy?”  First off, my contract doesn’t start until tomorrow.  I was called in early.  I offered to come in to help with the distribution of computers to students and they decided to take me up on my…

Resetting boundaries

Quarantine was a natural boundary.  No one comes in and no one goes out.  Boring but predictable.  Things are opening up some places but with a new restriction or boundary.  You have to wear a mask.  NOT going well with that one.  Someone chided me that it is just a piece of fabric.  Yes, a…

10 rounds with PTSD

Spent the last 10 days wrestling with what shot my PTSD into over drive.  Sleepless nights, anxiety, isolation, fear, raging anger, too sick to exercise, stuffing emotions with food.  Finally figured it out, I am freaking mad over having to wear a mask.  I stay away from people.  I never applied for a job that…

Words to look up

People online complain that their therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist will not use CPTSD as a diagnosis.  According to their own manual of disorders DSM-5, it doesn’t exist, so for insurance purposes some other set of letters are used.  My counselor wouldn’t even give me PTSD, until my work wanted to know exactly what I was living with. My…

Victim Mentality

My counselor asked me why didn’t I tell?  At first I didn’t know, because I didn’t remember.  To help me get in touch with my feelings he gave me a children’s coloring book about feelings to use.  Color this page happy and what color is sad and so on then came the page “What would…

Personality Quizzes

Chatting online one of the concerns brought up are the personality quizzes.  I took several. One I took was mandatory because of the type of medical test I was having.  (Checking for epilepsy; no, I don’t have it.) I also help our students take different quizzes to find out what they like for possible career…

1989 shredding

Deep clean…..the papers I shredded today were from 1989 the house we bought 30 years ago.  We are now in a different house and state.  The papers were labeled house/save.  So I saved them, through 3 moves and 3 different states.  I asked DH* to go through them with me.  Old cars, house, appliances, long…

“It’s painful to walk on eggshells.”

This is what one of my fellow people on a CPTSD Facebook group shared.  It jumped off the page at me.  I walked on eggshells my entire childhood.  Any misstep I would break something and be in trouble again.  Of course, everyday I got in trouble.  Walking on eggshells sounds like no big deal but…