10 rounds with PTSD

Spent the last 10 days wrestling with what shot my PTSD into over drive.  Sleepless nights, anxiety, isolation, fear, raging anger, too sick to exercise, stuffing emotions with food.  Finally figured it out, I am freaking mad over having to wear a mask.  I stay away from people.  I never applied for a job that…

Words to look up

People online complain that their therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist will not use CPTSD as a diagnosis.  According to their own manual of disorders DSM-5, it doesn’t exist, so for insurance purposes some other set of letters are used.  My counselor wouldn’t even give me PTSD, until my work wanted to know exactly what I was living with. My…

Victim Mentality

My counselor asked me why didn’t I tell?  At first I didn’t know, because I didn’t remember.  To help me get in touch with my feelings he gave me a children’s coloring book about feelings to use.  Color this page happy and what color is sad and so on then came the page “What would…

Personality Quizzes

Chatting online one of the concerns brought up are the personality quizzes.  I took several. One I took was mandatory because of the type of medical test I was having.  (Checking for epilepsy; no, I don’t have it.) I also help our students take different quizzes to find out what they like for possible career…

1989 shredding

Deep clean…..the papers I shredded today were from 1989 the house we bought 30 years ago.  We are now in a different house and state.  The papers were labeled house/save.  So I saved them, through 3 moves and 3 different states.  I asked DH* to go through them with me.  Old cars, house, appliances, long…

“It’s painful to walk on eggshells.”

This is what one of my fellow people on a CPTSD Facebook group shared.  It jumped off the page at me.  I walked on eggshells my entire childhood.  Any misstep I would break something and be in trouble again.  Of course, everyday I got in trouble.  Walking on eggshells sounds like no big deal but…

Sent myself to my room

Before I started counseling, I recognized that at times I would get raging angry.  I knew my anger was out of proportion of the incident.  I would send myself to my room.  I placed a blood shot eye TV vegetable with fat lip in front of my door.  Fair warning I was not reasonable, not…

Not for the Faint of heart

Stay home they said….you won’t get sick they said……I refuse to listen to any more of their “Do this or that” propaganda.  More political than healthy.  To keep myself occupied at home I tried to do things to help my teachers but didn’t have much to do from home.  Time on my hands.  For years,…

Skills to learn

Before I started counseling I learned that to change your actions you need to change your thoughts.  I intellectually got it but something seemed missing.  I didn’t realize the thing missing was my own connection to my emotions.  Counseling shed light into the dark parts of my mind and helped me start to connect my…

What if…

What if you don’t know what is wrong with you.  I first noticed that there was something different about me when I was a teenager.  I listened to my friends talk about crushes, school, and family I felt totally out of the loop.  I was fascinated by their perspective but my concerns and worries didn’t…