Continuum

One of the struggles of CPTSD and PTSD is Black and White thinking.  Bad is BAD and Good is good and nothing in between.  There is no such thing as sort of right.  Perfectionism or else and you don’t want to know what ‘or else’ is going to be.  My counselor spent many sessions trying…

The person with the problem

My counselor was a bit of a maverick.  Every year I signed a paper saying that his counseling was not conventional and I was fully aware that he went off the beaten path of “accepted therapy.”  I’m so glad he did.  He approached my issues totally different than the other people I knew that visited…

Do you BELIEVE?

In me…..nope-nope-nope. 8. I struggle with believing in myself. As many times as trusted loved ones have told me I’m beautiful, loving, and smart, I find myself completely unable to believe them. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/ Judy’s response to this statement: https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/11/09/self-care-8-of-25/ Even though Judy and I were raised by the same parents are roles in the family…

Decisions decisions

I felt like a complete dweeb when I started college.  My parents made all my major decisions for me including what to study in college, where I went to college, and basically what I wore to college.  Yup, I was controlled that completely.  Teenagers don’t magically turn into decision making adults without making their own…

Lizard Brain

One of the many cognitive dissonance moments was learning about the amygdala.  That pesky part of the brain that sees a T-Rex instead of a barking dog.  The amygdala kicks in when danger is perceived….unfortunately, long term abuse leaves me seeing danger everywhere.  Examples a black cat is a pouncing panther, a test precedes a…

Decompose

I am learning what the students at school are learning about computer programming.  I believe if I learned programming this way in the first place, I wouldn’t have the anxiety I do now.  I stopped taking computer classes when I felt sick at the thought of taking another one.  Code.org is free.  The 2 minute…