2 Weeks

This is a long time for me to not even check this web site.  It is mine to care for but the ebb and flow of my life is that my life is super overwhelming right now.  Medical procedures that require me to be unconscious are massive triggers.  It is all I can do to…

Ebb and Flow

I am working on something new to me.  Probably not new to most people.  In the past, no matter how stressful life becomes I am going to accomplish several things on my mental list or beat myself for not doing this.  This is the new school year, happens every august about the same time.  This…

Fear of Success

Raised in trauma with my earliest memories terrifying, I could list off a huge number of fears.  Fear of the dark, fear of strangers, fear of stray dogs, fear of blah…blah…blah.  The one I didn’t expect ever and was totally unaware of until counseling was a fear of success.  I was puzzled for a long…

Quitting and Pausing

Last post was a list of things to quit.  Part of changing to healthier ways of living is quitting old bad habits that no longer fit into our growing life style.  However, not quitting healing is an important journey.  I am thankful that my first counselor understood how much work there is in healing past…

In Search of Knights

Needs shiny armor and white horse. Feeling helpless as a child I wanted someone to rescue me.  That same theme is echoed in many childhood stories of someone swooping in and saving the day – EVERYDAY.  The Lone Ranger, Mighty Mouse, The Prince in Cinderella and Snow White, Lassie, all continue this theme of someone…

Shame and Toxic Shame

Is there a difference? Some people treat all shame as if it is toxic shame.  I tried multiple times to read a book on shame.  I was so confused within a few pages at it batted back and forth between shame and toxic shame. Dictionary result for shame – Google dictionary /SHām/ noun 1. a…

Helpless, helpless and

helpless. One of the symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD is a feeling of helplessness.  However, my counselor taught me there are three kinds of helpless feelings.  The first one is the type of helplessness that a small child has facing a raging adult.  The child is helpless.  No way they can take on the adult.  This type…