Fear of Success

Raised in trauma with my earliest memories terrifying, I could list off a huge number of fears.  Fear of the dark, fear of strangers, fear of stray dogs, fear of blah…blah…blah.  The one I didn’t expect ever and was totally unaware of until counseling was a fear of success.  I was puzzled for a long…

Quitting and Pausing

Last post was a list of things to quit.  Part of changing to healthier ways of living is quitting old bad habits that no longer fit into our growing life style.  However, not quitting healing is an important journey.  I am thankful that my first counselor understood how much work there is in healing past…

In Search of Knights

Needs shiny armor and white horse. Feeling helpless as a child I wanted someone to rescue me.  That same theme is echoed in many childhood stories of someone swooping in and saving the day – EVERYDAY.  The Lone Ranger, Mighty Mouse, The Prince in Cinderella and Snow White, Lassie, all continue this theme of someone…

Shame and Toxic Shame

Is there a difference? Some people treat all shame as if it is toxic shame.  I tried multiple times to read a book on shame.  I was so confused within a few pages at it batted back and forth between shame and toxic shame. Dictionary result for shame – Google dictionary /SHām/ noun 1. a…

Helpless, helpless and

helpless. One of the symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD is a feeling of helplessness.  However, my counselor taught me there are three kinds of helpless feelings.  The first one is the type of helplessness that a small child has facing a raging adult.  The child is helpless.  No way they can take on the adult.  This type…

Loss of Faith sometimes

Faith is a tricky thing.  First off, not everyone believes it is the same thing. The computer dictionary shares this on faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something; strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. From the article: “Complex trauma survivors often endure…

Aloneness

Lonely in a crowd.  Seeing everyone else chat and interact and feeling like I live in a glass bubble.  The feeling of being different, out of step, longing to feel included…how can I see anything good in feeling so isolated and alone? I started my own group that included others.  I did it, we had…