Hiding the ‘Dark Side’

*******Warning discussion of suicide*******     I learned that I couldn’t continue watching the Star Wars series when they showed how Darth Vader came to be.  If it feels too real, it is not entertainment. 17. “[I] won’t let anyone see the ‘bad’ side of myself.” https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/ I don’t want people to see the residual…

Debunking PTSD myths

I took a PTSD quiz and missed one of the questions.  Really, I live it every day.  Then I realized that the question I missed is a common myth about children living in abuse.  The question asked how students do in school.  I answered get top grades.  Nope the correct answer was get into trouble…

Self-abuse

One of the confusing things that my counselor spent many hours trying to help me understand was I needed to fire my mean boss.   That mean boss that expects me to arrive early and leave late.  The one that doesn’t allow any sick time.  Punishes me for not doing enough.  Rages at me for the…

Sharing

The past 3 days I spoke to high school classes where I work about PTSD and coping skills.  Fashion I discussed the dark side of fashion…anorexia, eating disorders, plastic surgery addiction, and other out of control behaviors trying to compete in a high stress, slave labor industry.  I shared the coping skills I list here. …

Burden lifted

I ponder and wonder about things that happen in life.  I carried with me a terrible burden that my mother threatened suicide when I was a teenager because I wasn’t doing enough to help her.  Yet she resented everything I did to help her.  I carried this terrible secret and burden for years.  Last night…

Family Headache or heartache

Almost everyone has challenges with their family…for one there is history….sometimes a long, ugly history.  Expectations are often higher for family than for friends.  Walking away from family can be complicated or feels impossible.  Guilt trips and button pushing can abound.  I also seen another side of family filled with acceptance, encouragement, standing by each…

Struggle with Self Care

How does one learn to care for themselves when they were neglected/abused as a child?  What does being cared for look like?  I thought for years since I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear I was taken care of.  I didn’t know anything different.  Raising my own children…