10 rounds with PTSD

Spent the last 10 days wrestling with what shot my PTSD into over drive.  Sleepless nights, anxiety, isolation, fear, raging anger, too sick to exercise, stuffing emotions with food.  Finally figured it out, I am freaking mad over having to wear a mask.  I stay away from people.  I never applied for a job that…

Words to look up

People online complain that their therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist will not use CPTSD as a diagnosis.  According to their own manual of disorders DSM-5, it doesn’t exist, so for insurance purposes some other set of letters are used.  My counselor wouldn’t even give me PTSD, until my work wanted to know exactly what I was living with. My…

Victim Mentality

My counselor asked me why didn’t I tell?  At first I didn’t know, because I didn’t remember.  To help me get in touch with my feelings he gave me a children’s coloring book about feelings to use.  Color this page happy and what color is sad and so on then came the page “What would…

Sent myself to my room

Before I started counseling, I recognized that at times I would get raging angry.  I knew my anger was out of proportion of the incident.  I would send myself to my room.  I placed a blood shot eye TV vegetable with fat lip in front of my door.  Fair warning I was not reasonable, not…

Complicating things

I actually maintain 3 different blogs.  My picture blog I’ve hardly touched in a year.  I kept getting it more and more complicated until I found I couldn’t keep up with it any more.  It started out 1 picture a day….then I made it more complicated.  I have my We are One blog and it…

Same storm different boats

I saw this on the internet and felt compelled to share it here.  This is not written by me, it is signed anonymous.  Your experiences are yours, don’t let someone else tell you what you should feel.   WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT … I heard that we are all in the same…

Stress, What stress?

Today on one of the Facebook pages a person on the CPTSD page wondered why she was feeling so stressed when she liked to stay home.  I pointed out to her that there is a big difference between choosing to stay home and being trapped at home.  Death threats if you don’t comply.  Accusations of…

Can’t have both ways

I am watching a trend among those with Complex PTSD.  They want to claim loud and clear that they coped with difficult things and do not have mental illness.  They rage when they are ‘misdiagnosed’  and won’t listen, if you try to explain that insurance companies only pay for therapy if it is in the…

Scapegoating

I was the family scapegoat until my sister was born.  Then that role was transferred to her while I was given the family care giver role.  However, both my sister and I were blamed for negative things in the family.  My father’s worse insult was to call someone a “Girrrl.”  To him, there was nothing…