Tearing off scabs

Awareness of childhood sexual abuse It is far more dangerous to be falsely healed than authentically and admittedly broken. I have great days and terrible ones. I have a long way to go, but don’t we all? Abuse victims or otherwise? The day I stop trying to make a difference for those still struggling with…

Going blank

I chatted with my sister this morning and something she said triggered this great idea for a post.  Now, I’m completely blank.  I may or may not remember it later.  My sister may comment and remind me or it really wasn’t all that brilliant idea and best left unposted.  I worked many years in counseling…

Cellular Level

Why can’t I get away from my memories? Written on our mind and in our bodies these bundle of cells lurk waiting to be reactivated when a smell, sight, sound, touch or taste hit that hot button and fire off a flashback.  The evidence is piling up from research and personal experience.  I didn’t remember…

Feeling Stupid

One of the more unpleasant emotions is feeling stupid.  Ever thought of that as an emotion?  It has to do with how you feel and it often motivates a person to quit, give up, hide, or feel inferior.  PTSD arranges many opportunities to feel stupid.  One of the ‘glitches’ of PTSD is a gap in…

Can’t let go

I had no memories from my childhood.  In a way I let it go but I still had PTSD response with no understanding as to why I reacted this way.  It was difficult in counseling when my counselor asked me about my past.  I chirped, “We went to the park, we went to the zoo.” …

Forgetting is not Healing

I forgot my childhood….all of it.  I remembered nothing except tiny snippets here and there.  I didn’t talk about my past.  My children were not regaled with tales of my childhood growing up.  It was a dark secret that I didn’t recall.  Counseling changed all that.  I will tell you honestly that not knowing was…