Self forgiveness

Months ago, I read this article on self-care, then I immersed myself in a huge costume project that self care came so far down the list I was down right mean to myself.  I focused on finishing, DH(darling husband) made sure I ate and sewed for me when others decided the project was too big…

Tearing off scabs

Awareness of childhood sexual abuse It is far more dangerous to be falsely healed than authentically and admittedly broken. I have great days and terrible ones. I have a long way to go, but don’t we all? Abuse victims or otherwise? The day I stop trying to make a difference for those still struggling with…

Going blank

I chatted with my sister this morning and something she said triggered this great idea for a post.  Now, I’m completely blank.  I may or may not remember it later.  My sister may comment and remind me or it really wasn’t all that brilliant idea and best left unposted.  I worked many years in counseling…

Cellular Level

Why can’t I get away from my memories? Written on our mind and in our bodies these bundle of cells lurk waiting to be reactivated when a smell, sight, sound, touch or taste hit that hot button and fire off a flashback.  The evidence is piling up from research and personal experience.  I didn’t remember…

Feeling Stupid

One of the more unpleasant emotions is feeling stupid.  Ever thought of that as an emotion?  It has to do with how you feel and it often motivates a person to quit, give up, hide, or feel inferior.  PTSD arranges many opportunities to feel stupid.  One of the ‘glitches’ of PTSD is a gap in…

Can’t let go

I had no memories from my childhood.  In a way I let it go but I still had PTSD response with no understanding as to why I reacted this way.  It was difficult in counseling when my counselor asked me about my past.  I chirped, “We went to the park, we went to the zoo.” …

Forgetting is not Healing

I forgot my childhood….all of it.  I remembered nothing except tiny snippets here and there.  I didn’t talk about my past.  My children were not regaled with tales of my childhood growing up.  It was a dark secret that I didn’t recall.  Counseling changed all that.  I will tell you honestly that not knowing was…