Worry is a Bully

Late at night, I know I should be trying to sleep and I am watching a rerun of NCIS.  It is the episode that Gibbs persuades Timothy that after an ordeal he should seek counseling.  The counselor listens to Timothy’s concerns then states, “Worry is a bully.”  It was like a huge light bulb moment. …

Emotional Mindfulness

The title to this article intrigued me: Emotional Mindfulness: What Anger, Vulnerability & Despair Teach Us Emotional Mindfulness: What Anger, Vulnerability & Despair Teach Us I enjoy coming across an article that agrees with me.  I spent a large portion of my life unable to access how I felt.  Through brutal childhood experience I learned to separate…

Grieving

These past months heart break touched our family.  Our little granddaughter came to stay on Earth for less than an hour.  I sometimes wish that the old traditions of being allowed to mourn for a year was still in practice.  This is what I am learning.  Today’s culture of everyone must be happy is destroying…

In Search of Happiness

One definition of thriving is feeling Happy.  Living through deep depression, PTSD or some people call it CPTSD, cancer, and suicidal ideology, happiness seemed elusive or fleeting.  Years ago a lady I knew wrote a song about Happiness is Like a butterfly….When pursued is frightened and shied.  I lived hearing things like when you get…

All emotions

I lived without emotions for quite a while.  I would file them under the ‘do not disturb box.’  I did this for a good reason.  Growing up in a home where being ’emotional’ was like the worse thing you could do, I stifled my emotions more and more.  Did not help growing up being a…

Feelings?

I wasn’t allowed to have feelings or they were purposely and maliciously twisted for the purposes of my abusers.  Stop the feelings – stop my abusers controlling me.   This brings me to self care #5 Allowing myself to feel all emotions – joy and anger are the most difficult for me. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/   Judy’s…

I’m sorry

  Thank you for being patient with me while I am working on the costumes.  I enjoyed watching Todd’s video on how often I do say I’m sorry and in the back of my mind I am feeling that I am apologizing for existing.  I am working on this.  One of my children pointed out…