Helpless, helpless and

helpless. One of the symptoms of PTSD/CPTSD is a feeling of helplessness.  However, my counselor taught me there are three kinds of helpless feelings.  The first one is the type of helplessness that a small child has facing a raging adult.  The child is helpless.  No way they can take on the adult.  This type…

Inner Who?

The first time I was introduced to the inner child concept I didn’t get it.  The second time I was introduced to the inner child concept I thought it was ridiculous.  Yea.  This was not gelling in my head.  I was crowded enough I did not need one more insider.  I lived with multiple personalities…

Grounding idea

I am interrupting this series to share something awesome from Facebook group Healing Path to Complex PTSD Recovery You can ask to join this group and they will ask you some questions to consider if it is a good fit.  I enjoy the group. Matt is one of the semi-retired admins that still plays a great…

Loss of Faith sometimes

Faith is a tricky thing.  First off, not everyone believes it is the same thing. The computer dictionary shares this on faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something; strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. From the article: “Complex trauma survivors often endure…

Hyper-vigilance is rewarded

Every time I get on the freeway my enhanced hyper-vigilance is rewarded.  I am super aware of cars changing lanes, speed demons racing up from behind and near misses that keeps my hyper-vigilance on alert.  It is exhausting being super aware all the time of every person around.  I didn’t know it was unusual.  I…

Unruly emotions

A minor annoying experience suddenly goes haywire with emotions that are over-the-top extreme flashback.  I am no longer a confident adult but a cringing terrified/angry/helpless child. I know logically that the event did not warrant the level of emotion that washed over me like tsunami.  Several of these stood out in my memory.  When I…

Emotion Regulation is not

Stopping or cutting off emotions.  Dissociation/cutting off emotions is like freezing frogs….as soon as you thaw them they are hopping all over just the same.  Why do I know this?  I used dissociation to obliterate anger and other negative emotions.  Sadly it did the same thing to love and happiness…only the emotions didn’t go away,…

Aloneness

Lonely in a crowd.  Seeing everyone else chat and interact and feeling like I live in a glass bubble.  The feeling of being different, out of step, longing to feel included…how can I see anything good in feeling so isolated and alone? I started my own group that included others.  I did it, we had…

Weaknesses

Can become strengths, but not by themselves. I spent years trying to fix me.  My counselor cautioned me to stop working so hard on my weaknesses every day.  I was puzzled….how could a weakness become a strength if I didn’t work at correcting them.  He was trying to help me see if my only focus…

Inner Critic

One of the more common topics of discussion on several PTSD/CPTSD web pages and posts is about the Inner Critic.  That little voice in your head that keep pointing out and dwelling on every mistake ever made by that person. Someone on Facebook posted this image about criticism…     This is what I do…