Reluctant diagnosis

I was in counseling for several years before my counselor reluctantly supplied a diagnosis.  I wondered for a long time about this.  My boss at the time, demanded I give an explanation as to why ‘medically,’ I blanked out sometimes.  All my previous bosses accepted the statement that at times I stopped functioning and it…

Blackouts

One of the symptoms of PTSD is physical, emotional, mental, or time based blackouts.  Physical blackouts you find yourself on the floor wondering what the hell just happened.  You may have injured yourself on the way down.  They can come on slowly or as fast as turning off a light switch.  Trigger induced or just…

Emptiness

I try to share how to better manage living with PTSD.  Lately, I listened to someone talk about not depression but feeling empty.  She expressed frustration when others tried to call that feeling depression, she was right that empty feeling makes depression almost reasonable.  I suffered severe depression.  I lived through cancer.   The emptiness is…

Assertive vs Aggressive

Is it possible to be assertive in a life and death situation?  I don’t think so because assertive implies that the person you are talking to is not a homicidal death threat.  People that experience PTSD lived in a life and death situation at some point in their life.  Kind of a prerequisite symptom is…

Where’s your focus?

The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on Building the new ~ Socrates Sounds good, logical, the right thing to do.  However, I learned on my journey that I first needed to survey the damage in my life.  I needed to acknowledge my life was a…

Authenticity

PTSD is brutal.  Severe dissociation is an elaborate hiding game from yourself.  The most difficult challenge is to choose authenticity in a world that wants you to “Don’t worry, be happy.”  Feeling what you feel when others tell you to ‘fake it until you make it’ is a difficult challenge.  Sometimes I prefer to be home…