I finished my 30 day goal of publishing daily with only missing a few days. Goal over, I stopped. I have now proven that 21 days does not make a habit. Crumbs……so what happened to my resolve, did my get-up-and-go leave without me? Did I really commit to fulfill a goal without pushing into the Why? Am I distracted? Bing, bing, bing, bing we got a winner. I get distracted. Easily. Did you know that getting distracted is considered human? Do you realize how many things get blamed on PTSD in reality are about being human? Many years of my counseling were spent in sorting out what was being human and what was PTSD wrecking havoc in my life. Here’s what I mean: It is human (I don’t use the word ‘normal’ that is another post) to worry about a child’s safety in the bathtub. It is PTSD to allow your children to have only 1 inch of water in the bathtub. On a good day they could have 2 inches of water. Needless to say, my children love showers. It is human to feel hurt by criticism. It is PTSD to internalize it to justify committing suicide. It is human to be afraid of something. It is PTSD to be paralyzed by that fear. One of the staggering difficult PTSD feeling to overcome was the feeling that I was on the outside of living watching others participate. Like a child watching outside the candy story blocked from entering because they can reach the door knob. PTSD isolates. Intense confusion because that isolation is what helps a person survive with PTSD. Dissociation is one of many symptoms associated with PTSD. I put a few links here that I want to revisit. I dissociated my emotions from the events. I dissociated one part of myself from the rest so I could say in my mind, “she did it.” There are various types of dissociation to varying levels. One of the confusing things is that dissociation is a human thing to do. What I did, was PTSD related in how extremely I dissociated. I survived but didn’t know how to live.
Dissociation is a word that is used to describe the disconnection or lack of connection between things usually associated with each other.