Today I had an excellent example of cognitive dissonance. A friend of my mother’s made the mistake of complaining to my husband about my mother not being brought home. (My mother is currently in a care center for dementia.) DH told her he was sick and tired of my mother emotionally abusing me and yelling at me. He is glad she is in the care center and doctors back up the decision. She could not believe that my ‘sweet’ mother would do anything to harm me. She couldn’t reconcile DH’s description of the situation to what she believed about my mother. Rather than accepting my husband’s perspective she rejected it because that is not her view of the situation. It happens. I experienced it myself repeatedly during counseling. The tough thing about rule #1- stop lying to yourself is our world gets tilted from what we believed. People say they want honesty up until they get it. Going no contact feels good for me. Report from my brother says mother turned on him. He remembers arguments like this when he was a teenager. Hard for me when people blame dementia when she has behaved this way for over 40 years. The difference now is she doesn’t hide it as well as she used to do.