I noticed that any time I write about the big bad ugly symptoms of PTSD or CPTSD very few people like my post.  I kind of agree that I don’t like it either but it is part of what I live with every day.  I do not get days off for good behavior.  I also noticed that I tend not to post another post after one of the toughies.  I discovered that these are hard for me to write.  I am still in the accepting process of some of my symptoms.  I am still wrapping my brain around the idea that an adult person went out of their way to give me brain damage.  They didn’t see it happening at the time, but wrapping my mind around someone deliberately and maliciously hurting another person is tough.  However, I don’t back away from my own reality.  I spent too many years in hiding, from myself and everyone else.  Counseling brought my life and horrible secrets too light.  I can’t go back and unknow what I have learned.  Sorrow, sadness, grieving, and other unhappy terms apply.  I like this grief path that depression is a look alike but not one of the emotions.  Depression stops the other processes.  Depression halts me feeling the grieving and sorrow.  Depression blocks my feeling what I need to feel to let go of the pain.  I didn’t see that coming when I sat down to write this post.  But there it is.  Depression halts the healing process by blocking and depressing the emotions that need to be felt to heal.  I learned that sitting with my sorrow is not depression.  Shoving my sorrow in a hole and soldiering on as if nothing happened when it did – that is depression and keeps that sorrow stuck with me.  Wow. I’m going to need to think about this one for a while.

Have a day!