Change hyper-vigilance

To something deeper, discernment. I follow Lilly Hope Lucario on Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD A journey to healing from complex trauma. The article I read is about turning hyper-vigilance into discernment. This is her link: https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2016/09/11/turning-hypervigilance-into-discernment-is-healing-lilly-hope-lucario/ For many people this is a sticky area because discernment has to do with judgement. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/discernment dis·cern·ment (dĭ-sûrn′mənt)…

Perfect victim

A perfect victim never fights back. I didn’t cut toxic people out of my life either. I just took it. Progress came when I encouraged my husband to find work in another state and move 1000 miles away. But my inner past came with me. I didn’t stand up for myself on anything. 22. “I…

Look you in the eye

More complex then it first appears. 20. “I have a hard time making eye contact with people. I look away a lot when I’m speaking. I get startled very easily and it takes me awhile to get my heart rate back to normal.” https://themighty.com/2017/06/childhood-emotional-abuse-adult-habits/ For me, this is two separate issues. Startle response is extreme. …

Different Facets

Of the same problem….Trust. 14. “I avoid asking help from anyone because I don’t trust anyone. I believe if someone offers me a hand, there will always be something they [want to] ask in return. I have friends but I don’t have a best friend. I keep my distance from people. Automatically, my wall blocks…

Capital letters

I know all caps is shouting on line but this next behavior would be all capitals. “I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide…

Offense can make a lousy defense

In sports a good offense is sometimes the best tactic for winning a game. Having a win/loose attitude with relationships doesn’t work. My counselor taught me either both people win or both people lose. “I’m very defensive which can come across cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to…

Overachieving

I started in high school. I was tired of name calling, stupid, ding-a-ling, lights are on but nobody is home. I wanted to ‘prove’ I was smart. I studied like crazy and got straight A’s. I was thrilled and so excited…the name calling persisted. I maintained a 3.79 grad point average without weighted grades. I…

Boundaries and respect

Judy, my sister, debunked one of the memes on her blog….https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2017/05/22/meme-debunking-20/ A lack of boundaries often invites a lack of respect. No. Just no. Bad choice of verb. A lack of boundaries does NOT INVITE a lack of respect. A lack of boundaries usually means that boundaries were NOT RESPECTED in the first place. My version would…

Beware of Trojan Horses

Abusers manipulate people through ‘gift giving’ with the expectation that their target should be grateful for getting a Trojan Horse. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Trojan-horse A victim of such gifts are sometimes viewed as ungrateful from 3rd parties that do not understand the danger of such ‘gifts.’ When is a gift not a gift? First what a gift is…

Toxic People

I heard of toxic people and I thought criminals….not so. Hardest thing about counseling was learning that some of the most toxic people I know are in my own family. If I am not very careful, I am a toxic person… very depressing. Pavelka Health Revolution Do you have people in your life who are…

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