1989 shredding

Deep clean…..the papers I shredded today were from 1989 the house we bought 30 years ago.  We are now in a different house and state.  The papers were labeled house/save.  So I saved them, through 3 moves and 3 different states.  I asked DH* to go through them with me.  Old cars, house, appliances, long…

Grief and happiness coexists

Dissociation from my emotions is a symptom of PTSD/CPTSD.  I was numb.  I didn’t feel pain but I didn’t feel happiness either.  I was so completely detached from my feelings that I couldn’t tell you at any given moment what I felt.  I knew I had feelings….sometimes I was happy and sometimes I felt bone…

Can’t Make Him Happy

I belong to 2 CPTSD/PTSD groups on Facebook.  I don’t remember which one posted the question but a woman asked how she could help her little girl be happy again because they were going on a mother/daughter trip and the daddy said he would be sad while they were gone.  The little tender hearted girl…

Survivor’s Guilt

I am doing a bit of light Summer reading.…(please read that with intense sarcasm.)  If talk of mass shootings is triggering for you…..please skip today’s post. They Call Me “Mr. De”  is the book written by Frank DeAngelis, former principal of Columbine High School.  This high school was one of the first mass shootings after…

Planning Helps prepare

Like clock work my anxiety rises and falls with certain seasons.  I finally figured out that the anxiety starts mid October…..my mother’s birthday….until end of school when she would finally relax.  My life still seems to revolve around my mother that explained to me she hated me in our last conversation. So how do I…

Super Power

My super power was dissociation and my counselor took my super power away.  Well, it felt like that.  Dissociation is the ability to disconnect, disengage and not be there for an experience. Lilly Hope Lucario https://themighty.com/2017/08/life-impacting-symptoms-of-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/  Lilly agrees with me that dissociation is a coping tool.  Works amazingly during times of extreme trauma.  Using dissociation…

In Search of Knights

Needs shiny armor and white horse. Feeling helpless as a child I wanted someone to rescue me.  That same theme is echoed in many childhood stories of someone swooping in and saving the day – EVERYDAY.  The Lone Ranger, Mighty Mouse, The Prince in Cinderella and Snow White, Lassie, all continue this theme of someone…

not enough

I am continuing on the list of things that are recommended for therapist to do.  I believe these are important to recognize for the client because as a person seeing a therapist I can make the work harder or easier.  If I understand what my own options are I can work towards my strengths.  Sadly,…