In Search of Knights

Needs shiny armor and white horse.

Feeling helpless as a child I wanted someone to rescue me.  That same theme is echoed in many childhood stories of someone swooping in and saving the day – EVERYDAY.  The Lone Ranger, Mighty Mouse, The Prince in Cinderella and Snow White, Lassie, all continue this theme of someone else saving the day.  In TV shows, it is accomplished in an hour or less.  A fantasy that too many people want to be a reality, so disappointed when it does not materialize. Every day they wake up to the same miserable life with the same miserable existence and the same horrible torment with no knight in shining armor in view.

Sadly, many people bring this looking for a rescuer into counseling.  They spread out their problems and almost dare the counselor to FIX them.  Fortunately for me, my counselor wisely informed me that he would not, could not FIX me.  Instead, he would teach me a set of tools and I would do my own fixing.  He explained that he was more like a coach.  He could give me suggestions, ideas, and new things to try but I, me and no one else, had to do the labor intense work of changing me and healing.  Tilt – Shift – tumble – grind to a halt.  Me, little ole’ powerless screwed up me was going to fix anything?  I was my biggest doubter.  I also happen to be very determined to change my life.

In the back of my mind is this twitchy thing that sends out an alarm when I am avoiding tough questions.  That twitchy thing is going nuts right now.  I profess to be Christian so where does Christ come in if I am going to be the one changing my life?  Christ is my Savior so where does He fit in?  I view the scriptures a bit differently than most people I’ve listened to at church.  I relate to my buddy was his life a mess.  Also Joseph sold into Egypt totally understands dysfunctional families and falsely accused.  Christ gets where I am coming from.  He understands where I am at and He believes in me.  He is my Savior not my enabler.

I remember years and years ago a defining moment in my life.  I was about 32 years old, recently moved to a new city, trying to raise 6 kids and my husband sold on the road and was gone most of the week.  I felt abandoned and over whelmed.  My body collapsed completely, I could be up 20 minutes a day and when doctors ran all their tests they told me there was nothing wrong with me.  Rock bottom was above where I was at.  I prayed fervently to be rescued.  Nothing….no answer.  I begged to let me die, I felt useless anyway.  This time I got an answer.  No, you are going to live to an old age.  I begged that “I can’t keep living this way.”  My answer…..”WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?”  What kind of answer was that??? That my dear reader is an answer from a loving Heavenly Father that believed in me.  He believed I had the faith of the woman that searched for an answer for 7 years.  She tried everything, every doctor every route, she left no stone unturned.  She decided that if she touched Christ’s cloak she would be healed.  So that is what she did.  She was healed.  Christ recognized that in this crowded throng someone touched Him with so much faith that she was healed.  Whoa!  Did I have that kind of faith?  Challenged offered — Challenged accepted.

I spent a whole lot more than 7 years.  I spent years searching, reading, trying things, failing, searching some more, reading, trying, failing more things, and then I hit counseling.  TADA.  No rescuer.  I got a coach that directed my reading, suggested new things to try and sat there listening as I poured out another failed encounter with life.  I am not offering a quick fix to any one.  In my opinion, the dinosaurs stepped on the easy button and look what happened to them – oblivion. My formula if you want to heal you got to change.  I don’t watch Doctor Phil but I do like what he is often quoted as saying, “Is it working for you?”  If it is not working for you, change.  PUSH Pray Until Something Happens.  Get off your knees and try the ideas that come to you while meditating/praying.  Get up and try.  Take a baby step….fall down….you have just moved forward.

Well, if you got this far without changing to a different page, believe me this method works.  Tough as can be.  My counselor said that he lowered a rope down to me to help me to get out of the dark hole.  I told him that from my experience that grabbing that rope was like grabbing hold of barbed wire and knowing I couldn’t let go or I would fall into oblivion like the dinosaurs.  I held on for dear life and kept doing the work no matter how painful it became.  I survived 100% of my bad days.  You did too.  Change is the path to healing.  A journey that is hazardous and difficult but the view from the top is fabulous.



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