4 extreme coping modes

I grew up learning about the Fight-Flight responses to stress. My mother taught us to either run or fight. I watched my brothers polarize their responses…one ran and the other fought every one and every thing. I didn’t feel like I fit either one. Then I learned about Freeze….closer. This is that “deer-in-the-headlights” where you…

Consider boundaries

I dropped into holiday survival mode and stopped my course of study with Blueknot….several of the areas cover details of how long and how much therapy is needed for CPTSD/PTSD.  Mine was 10 years and 3 counselors.  I am still a work in progress.  I’m fortunate that my first counselor focused on teaching me the…

Practice What I Preach

For weeks, I’ve written about the importance of self-care.  Now it is time for me to practice what I preach.  Deep sadness came to our family when our little granddaughter lived less than an hour.  We knew ahead of time.  I tried to prepare.  I underestimated the impact of one tiny little girl.  We said…

Not Selfish

Self-care is not selfish.  Hard to believe this or implement it if as a child you are told that getting enough to eat is being selfish.  I was told I had to go hungry so my brother could have seconds.  Sad thing, food would spoil in the refrigerator because it wasn’t eaten fast enough.  As…

Struggle with Self Care

How does one learn to care for themselves when they were neglected/abused as a child?  What does being cared for look like?  I thought for years since I had a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear I was taken care of.  I didn’t know anything different.  Raising my own children…

Counter Act Self-Neglect

Self-nurturing is the way to counter act self-neglect.  One of the harder things I had to do to was to recognize what I needed.  I was trained to self-neglect.  If you aren’t fed when you are hungry the concept that my needs could be met was a bit far fetched.  The first portion of this…

The ‘B’ word

Once you understand that you have rights to protect it is time to add Boundaries to the tool box.  You can review the page that I have on boundaries.  https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/coping/boundaries/ These are the books on Boundaries that my counselors suggested: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend http://store.cloudtownsend.com/boundaries-softcover-book.html http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454 This book is based…

I have rights

The next basic tool to go in my toolbox was what rights do I have as a human being?  My abusers convinced me I had no rights.  I had no right to expect respect, no right to expect to be fed, no right to expect anything….nothing belonged to me and I existed because they allowed…