Self-nurturing is the way to counter act self-neglect. One of the harder things I had to do to was to recognize what I needed. I was trained to self-neglect. If you aren’t fed when you are hungry the concept that my needs could be met was a bit far fetched. The first portion of this was I needed to understand what basic rights belonging to human beings. I reviewed several lists before my counselor assigned me to write my own list of what I believed are basic human rights.
I recommend anyone taking the time to evaluate and write out your basic rights list. I learned many things that I hadn’t understood about my reactions to request from other people.
I have the right…Written in January 2010
I have the right to be treated with respect when I earn it. I am also aware that some people treat me with respect because they respect people. Other people I can not earn their respect because a prejudice exists that has nothing to do with my behavior.
I have the right not to take responsibility for anyone else’s problems or bad behavior. I choose to take an interest in my spouse and children. I can suggest, persuade, encourage and love them but ultimately they are responsible for their own adult behavior.
I have the right to feel emotions – anger, excitement, sad, glad, afraid, courageous, etc. and the responsibility to accept the consequences of any actions brought about by those emotions.
I have the right to say no. When I say “yes” to one thing I inherently often have to say “yes or no” to something else that is not always obvious. I am aware that saying “no” in some situations may damage a relationship and have far reaching consequences. I also need to keep in mind that I have a limited amount of time and energy.
I have the right to make mistakes and the responsibility to take the consequences for those mistakes.
I have the right to my opinions and convictions. Just because I have them does not mean I should always state them. Sometimes the best reply is silence but I need to keep in mind that with some people silence means agreement. The art of disagreeing without being disagreeable is on going training.
I have the right to determine when someone is yelling at me or not. I am aware that I am hypersensitive to negative reactions but if I feel someone is yelling at me, I will respond that way.
I have the right to change my mind and the responsibility to take the consequences. Sometime I need to take more time to begin with to make a decision. I recognize that I take time to think through information and a hasty decision can result in a need for me to change my mind later. Sometimes I make a decision with the best information I have available at the time. New information may require a change in course.
I have the right to ask for emotional support or help. I have the responsibility to work on things myself. Learned helplessness is as unhealthy as never reaching out to anyone.
I have the right to negotiate for change. The responsibility to express myself to the other person. The other person can not read my mind.
I have the right to protest what I believe to be unfair treatment or criticism. Being defensive can sometimes make a situation worse. In protesting unfair treatment I need to keep in mind who I am talking to. Some people are not healthy enough to engage in this type of conversation.
I have the right to have friends. I have the responsibility to recognize that friends take time and energy which I have a limited supply.
I have the right to ignore advice. I have the responsibility to take the consequences of ignoring that advice. I recognize that the source should be considered when I am considering someone else’s advice.
I have the right to take breaks, such as going to the bathroom before a job is done or 15 minute breaks that can be beneficial when working on large projects.
I have the right to throw away or give away things that I no longer want or need.
I have the right to lock the doors or not lock them depending on how I feel at the time.
I have the right to have extra food in the house.
I can add to this list when ever I feel the need.