I had enough

When I hit rock bottom, I decided the only way I had to go was up. So I did. 5 minutes at a time I crept, struggled, fought to get out of the dark hole. Many days I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was another freight train. Then one day,…

Basic self-care missing

Routines are built to get things done.  Most people don’t write down basics like shower, get dressed, eat.  They don’t need to.  They simply do them every day without fail.  Not so with an abuse survivor.  CPTSD disables a person from believing that they should be taken care of by themselves or anyone else. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/25-obvious-non-obvious-self-care-issues-complex-trauma-survivors-struggle-with-lilly-hope-lucario/…

Hoarding

I have one room that looks like it could be featured on hoarders.  I work to clean it up, I get overwhelmed, and with in a week or two I am in worse of a mess than before.  Thanks to DH I keep it mostly to one room.  I didn’t have any problem when I…

What I do struggle with

I thought a lot about what I wrote over the past couple of days.  The articles looking for an easy answer, the one about people oversimplifying problems, and my rant.  I realize that every single abuse survivor walks around with a different set of scars and reactions to the World.  I am making this list…

Suicide Rising

This isn’t the only article about the number of suicides that are happening.  Teenagers, children, soldiers, elderly almost every walk of life are experiencing epidemic increases  in suicides.  Blaming internet, government, and other entities misses the point. http://www.aol.com/article/2016/07/11/suicide-now-the-leading-cause-of-death-for-children-in-utah/21430058/   My personal study on the subject is the rising wave of hopelessness, feeling they are a…

Wanting to walk away

I spent 10 years in counseling.  I lived with PTSD for over 50 years.  This past year, I had so much going on in my life I wanted to walk away from everything to do with PTSD.  I considered just letting all this go and focus on being a grandma, wife, and teacher’s aid.  Delving…

Logic loses

In the battle of the mind, logic loses. I am struggling with one of the techniques in Karate.  I know logically that it will work.  I successfully done it several times.  But every time I step up to the mat, I battle the terror again.  In my mind, I’m lying on the ground unable to…