When I hit rock bottom, I decided the only way I had to go was up. So I did. 5 minutes at a time I crept, struggled, fought to get out of the dark hole. Many days I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was another freight train. Then one day, I realized, I am out in the sunshine. I feel joy, happiness and peace but I continue to feel sorrow, heartbreak and pain. I understand now that in my search to get out of my mental dungeon I was focusing on only half of the story. I am doing things that I never dreamed possible 15 years ago. I am living a life. I accept the triggers still happen, I get up again. Flashbacks still happen, I move forward again. I will not let my abusers take my life while I am still breathing. I can not control what happened to get me in that hole but I decide 5 minutes at a time if I will stay there. Sometimes I measure my progress like Marcus Luttrell draw a line in the dirt and drag myself over. I survived 100% of my bad days. So did you. Deciding you had enough is the beginning of the journey.
Vivid imagery. Marcus Luttrell sharing his story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGxOYWRAjXQ
This is the comment I made when some wrote that they had enough and wanted things over. I did hit rock bottom. I was in my 30’s I lived being up 20 minutes a day. Not 20 minutes at a time. 20 minutes per day. A lady asked me what a good day was. I answered, “I got up.” She waited. “No, that is it, I got up. A GREAT day I got up and got dressed.” I look back at that time and wondered how did I do it. I drew a line and I crossed it. I kept doing it over and over. I prayed for answers. I visited the library (no internet then). I checked out books and felt prompted to get some other book than the one I planned. I started learning that the answers were in the second book. But I wouldn’t find the second book if I wasn’t looking for the first one. One I had enough, I only had one way to go, UP.
Mine shaft is so deep you can drop the Empire State building in it and it would disappear.
2 thoughts on “I had enough”
That is one powerful video Ruth. Some days do feel like that. We need that warrior attitude!
I agree, we do need a warrior attitude.