I had enough

When I hit rock bottom, I decided the only way I had to go was up. So I did. 5 minutes at a time I crept, struggled, fought to get out of the dark hole. Many days I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was another freight train. Then one day, I realized, I am out in the sunshine. I feel joy, happiness and peace but I continue to feel sorrow, heartbreak and pain. I understand now that in my search to get out of my mental dungeon I was focusing on only half of the story. I am doing things that I never dreamed possible 15 years ago. I am living a life. I accept the triggers still happen, I get up again. Flashbacks still happen, I move forward again. I will not let my abusers take my life while I am still breathing. I can not control what happened to get me in that hole but I decide 5 minutes at a time if I will stay there. Sometimes I measure my progress like Marcus Luttrell draw a line in the dirt and drag myself over. I survived 100% of my bad days. So did you. Deciding you had enough is the beginning of the journey.

 

Vivid imagery.  Marcus Luttrell sharing his story.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGxOYWRAjXQ

 

This is the comment I made when some wrote that they had enough and wanted things over.  I did hit rock bottom.  I was in my 30’s I lived being up 20 minutes a day.  Not 20 minutes at a time.  20 minutes per day.  A lady asked me what a good day was.  I answered, “I got up.”  She waited.  “No, that is it, I got up. A GREAT day I got up and got dressed.”  I look back at that time and wondered how did I do it.  I drew a line and I crossed it.  I kept doing it over and over.  I prayed for answers.  I visited the library (no internet then).  I checked out books and felt prompted to get some other book than the one I planned.  I started learning that the answers were in the second book.  But I wouldn’t find the second book if I wasn’t looking for the first one.  One I had enough, I only had one way to go, UP.

Mine shaft is so deep you can drop the Empire State building in it and it would disappear.

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