Good, bad, ugly and uglier and ugliest

I struggle with writing posts when I realized that my life took a bit of dip….well more like falling into a deep hole.  How could I write about thriving in PTSD if I don’t feel like I am thriving?  I reminded myself that living with PTSD does not mean you are in thriving phase 100% of the time.  Some times it is a repeated cycle of Accept this, cope with that, and thrive with something else.  The challenge lays in finding something good when ugly, uglier and ugliest camp out in the front yard.  Body slammed by nightmares it is easy to forget the sun still rises.  Darkness on the inside shutters down the light trying to come in.  Moving forward builds momentum so a bend in the road of life can really throw me off.  I am thinking about the picture of the bicyclist that is riding on a high mountain path where a bump on a rock would send me hurtling into space.* Sometimes the challenge is to tie a knot at the end of the rope and just hang on.  Coping skills help to hang on.  Accepting is reminding myself that hitting bumps and falling into holes is part of the challenge of PTSD.  Smooth sailing just doesn’t happen.  In fact, I become a little suspicious because I wonder if it is the calm before the storm or an eye of a mega storm.  Cliches like “I knew a man with many worries few of which never happened.”  Oh hell no, I’m worried I’ll end up where I have been before.  Traipsing through hell is not new territory.  As my friend said, “Been there done that, burned the t-shirt.”  So I am writing not because I’m in the top of my game but because I believe that I will be back up out of this hole.  I know the routine.  Ask for help, for me I seek spiritual guidance as to where to find the help I need.  Pause, the power of pause is its firm implication that I will get moving again.  Breathe, allow my body to participate in strengthening me.  Breathe and allowing my shoulders to drop down help release tension.  Evaluate what is coming at me and hopefully understanding from where.  Make a plan and move forward again…reminder, a baby step is still moving forward.  Falling flat on my face is also moving forward, not my favorite but movement just the same.  Shout out of thanks to my lovely friend that let me talk yesterday.  I left feeling more hopeful.  Thank you. 

 

Picture links….on these web pages, I use my own pictures.  However, I am always on the look out for just the right image.  So I will use links to share other images.

*Mountain bike ride – scroll down to the bottom picture. 

www.singletracks.com/blog/mtb-trails/ready-to-ride-3-trail-selection-tips-for-beginners/

 

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