Time off

I would get terribly jealous when my counselor would take time off.  Not because he wouldn’t see me for awhile but because he could take time off.  PTSD is relentless.  Just when I think I might get a break something else body slams me.  But it is actually really helpful to try not to think about it.  Some people call it a distraction.  Reading the Harry Potter books let me into Harry’s world far from my own.  He had bad guys and friends, family that sucked and teachers that cared all the combinations that I could safely examine his world.  I loved the series. Take a break from time to time looks different for every person.  Hiking and reading are both lovely temporary rests but I know that sometimes without warning PTSD demands my attention again.  Key for me is being in a ‘safe’ place.  Usually on our couch with the dog and all the doors locked and either music or TV on.  Yup.  That is a time when I feel safe.  I rest a bit.  Then I am ready to go back to slogging forward.  Several years ago I did a mudrun challenge with one of my daughters.  It was an amazing experience.  Each mud pit got deeper and longer.  The ankle deep one we worried about not slipping as we ran.  Thigh high mud every treacherous step we curled our toes hoping the mud wouldn’t suck our shoes off and we would need to dive for them in the ooze.  People that write cutesy memes about just smiling when you are feeling down are dealing with ankle deep problems.  I appreciate their perspective but I do accept that just smiling will barely scratch the surface of what goes on in my mind.  Maybe some day, I’ll actually be able to take some time off.  I think I would spend it sleeping with no nightmares.


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