All consuming

One of the struggles of PTSD or Complex PTSD is the tendency for the symptoms to take over everything.  I find it difficult sometimes to remind myself that I am not PTSD.  I have PTSD and the diagnosis gives me a term to look up to find out ways other people over come their struggles.  I decided to limit how often I mention PTSD on my other blog because I wanted a place to explore other things that I am experiencing.  An abusive childhood does work like a cancer of the soul.  I need to actively undo damage and learn skills that most toddlers learn but I didn’t have time or teacher when I was young.  PTSD can be so disruptive that my whole world revolves around dealing with symptoms.  It takes a conscious effort to develop and explore other areas of my life.  I think one of the things I love about art is my ability to become totally absorbed in the process.  Photography is my favorite medium but not my only one.  I was required to take a drawing class.  I was told by a well meaning art teacher in 8th grade that I was terrible and should never take another art class.  Sadly, I believed her.  I came to art from the computer side.  (Or some people consider the Dark side.)  I was the Art lab computer tech.  When I interviewed for the job of computer tech in the art department, I told them I had zero art experience.  I didn’t try to make myself out to be something I wasn’t.  My parents were artists, my children were artists, I figured I was the generation skipped.  The professors didn’t understand how zero zero could be. I fell in love with photography when my job required I take a photography class so I could understand why they felt the computers weren’t working correctly.  I learned the problem.  Computers and printers do not believe blue is the same color, one is royal blue and the other is navy blue.  While fixing computers, I became more and more involved with outstanding artists preparing for Master Shows.  Printing images that graced walls of museums all over the world.  It was amazing work.  I changed my major to Photography.  I took a drawing class the same time that I had cancer.  Art absorbed my attention so completely, I could reduce my pain medication.  It blocked all thought of cancer from my mind for sometimes hours at a time.  Art became the avenue that helped me accept my cancer and later PTSD.

pumkinDKFuture Jack-o-Lantern

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