I avoided writing about Mother’s day on this blog. I spent several posts on my other blog working out how to get through the day. Mother’s day is a known trigger for me. It has more land mines than a war zone mine field. I know it is a problem for me. I prepared for the day by deciding in advance to stay home from church and making other decisions to help me to cope with the day.
One of the things that I learned from my first counselor and proven very helpful was to accept that some triggers are not going away. No matter how much I practice, re-frame, accept, process, there are somethings that just have to be avoided. I can’t expect the whole world to tiptoe around my raw ragged feelings. I am responsible for myself. I need to do something about protecting myself and others from my adverse reactions to triggers. Staying home was ideal. My husband came with me when I visited my mother. I chose a gift that if she gave away or completely forgot about wouldn’t upset me. I prepared for the day. I ended up with a wonderful week end. I felt a twinge of sadness that as a young mother I wanted to write a book on the awesomeness of motherhood. Now, I am thankful to get through Mother’s Day with my emotions in a happy place. Maybe some day I can once again extol the wonders of motherhood without grieving the loss of my mother not able to be a mother to me or feeling guilty for my own short comings. I don’t know if that day will come. I am thankful for today. I am thankful for our amazing children and the wonderful people they married. Grandchildren are awesome . Cuddling with our youngest grandchild healed a twinge of ache in my heart that I tried to ignore. I feel happy today.