I am finishing the list of things that I wished people knew about PTSD: http://medprecautions.com/23-things-i-wish-people-understood-about-ptsd/ I recommend following the link to the original post which shares their ideas on each one. The last item is complex to describe. I took my time going down the list to keep myself from getting overwhelmed. One of the powerful coping techniques taught by my first counselor is to break up a project, overwhelming memory or anything else that is pushing me past my limits. Took me all week but I arrived at # 23.
- I was a different person once upon a time. To heal I will need to learn how to accept who I have become.
One of the things that kept me going in counseling was I was not born the way I was. Events early in my life, changed/arrested my emotional development. My focus growing up was survival. Boundaries didn’t exist. My understanding of humans was warped and distorted. I had no memories of before trauma. Living with nightmares is all I know. The kindest thing that happened is most of my childhood memories are gone. After remembering a few incidents I decided that staying forgotten is not a bad thing. However, the thought that I was not born cringing, hysterical, terrified, dissociated, kept me coming back trying to learn what I should have learned as a child. The first book my counselor had me read in a quest to find out the depth of damage in my life was Dave Pelzer’s http://davepelzer.com/ book “A Child Called IT.” http://www.amazon.com/Child-Called-It-Courage-Survive/dp/1558743669 This book is a tough read. I had no reaction to the abuse heaped upon one small boy. I asked what my counselor expected me to learn from the book. He replied he was watching my reaction. I read more of Dave Pelzer’s books. I read an article about him where someone asked him if he wished the things that happened to him, didn’t happen. I can’t find the exact quote so this is an approximation.
I like the man who I am today and I would not be that man without the experiences that I had. Dave Pelzer
This became my goal. I wanted to be able to say, “I like the woman I am today and I would not be this woman without the experiences that I endured.” I believe that now. I like the woman I am today. I am using my experiences to hopefully help others. I cannot change my past but the future is for me to create.