Admitting defeat

Last month I experienced a person taking advantage to me because of my not understanding how things were done at school.  A month later, I knew I would encounter the same person.  I decided to write an email to try to repair the problem.  It didn’t work.  I went to my supervisor and explained what occurred what happened.  Then I let it go.  I don’t expect a resolution.  I don’t expect the other person to change.  I don’t expect to get back what is taken.  What is important, when I had a problem I asked for help.  My friend posted this reminder:

“I’ve always had a really hard time asking for help… I like to do things on my own, I like that feeling of accomplishment, of earning things by working hard… of not needing to depend on anyone.
But asking for help IS taking matters into your own hands. It doesn’t mean you’re doing any less on your own… it means you’re doing everything YOU can to get what you need or to where you need to be.”~Jaymee

Part of admitting defeat allows me to open the possibility that someone else can help me.  If I am able to do it myself, I don’t want to bother someone else.  I was told so often that I was a burden that I work very hard not to ask for help.  My counselor lectured me on letting go of my Do-or-Die attitude.  I looked at him very solemnly, “If I had done that, I would have died.”  He thought for a minute and replied, “You are right, in your situation you would have.”  So to admit defeat I feel very vulnerable…I recognize that I most likely will not die now but those feelings linger.  I can admit defeat without my world coming to an end.  I can ask for help from some people and they will give it to me.  I am building a network of friends and amazing people close by and online that are willing to help each other.  Froglogic calls it building your team.  I am learning that not everyone is out to get you…

Favorite quote from Will Smith, “If they are all out to get you, are you still paranoid?” (Can’t find the exact website to link this to….from the movie Get Shortie.)

 

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One thought on “Admitting defeat

  1. I can relate to this. I’m also working on asking for help, admitting I need help, showing others I’m vulnerable and trusting they won’t crush me. It’s hard, so hard, but happens in little steps. I’m letting my counselor help, also hubby, then extended to sis in law, then my surgeon, now my mom in law….so far I haven’t died, and although it’s scary every time still, I feel something changing, less absolute in how I think. It’s no longer ALL people will hurt me ALL of the time. I’m gathering data that some people will help me and it doesn’t make me a failure or a bad person or anything else I still believe in my core

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