I threatened my counselor that I would become a hermit. It was easier in my mind than dealing with all the scary people around me all the time. Wanting to be a hermit was tied to my not trusting people. What to do? What to do?
6. “I’m basically a hermit. My home is my fortress. I have BPD, PTSD and anxiety. It’s so hard to work or apply myself in school or just life when every time I want to apply myself, I can’t help but run to the nearest exit to catch my breath. I constantly fear everyone around me.”
7. “I have problems trusting people. I keep people at [an] arm’s length. I never really let them into my life. I don’t allow them to know of my health problems and my mental illnesses. If I do let them in, it is rare and they [will] have known me for years. It takes a long time [for me] to build trust.”
My counselor would shake his head and reassure me I did not want to be a hermit. I still didn’t know how to trust people. Or I would trust yet another person that would take advantage of my ‘people pleasing’ behavior.
First step, learn about boundaries and how to use them.
Second step, write my own bill of rights so I knew what rights belonged to me.
Third step, learn to recognize when I was giving my power away trying to please others and not protecting my boundaries and my rights. When I say yes to someone else I am saying no to myself.
Fourth step, believe that I deserved to be treated kindly by others.
Fifth step, start slowly to build relationships and friendships. No one was automatically considered safe. It wasn’t what they said to me it was how they treated me that counted. Nice words doesn’t mean they are a nice person.
Sixth step, accept that I sometimes mistaken about a person. Either way, I may think they are not trust worthy and find out they actually are or I was depressed last year when I thought someone was my friend but they were only using me.
Seventh step, started taking Karate and learning to trust myself. The karate was so surprising. I read an article on the VA web page and they suggested martial arts. It is amazing how much I am learning about trusting myself. The amazing thing is as I trust myself more, I am able to trust other people more. This was astonishing.
These are a few steps I took to learn that being a hermit is not for me. I enjoy people and some of them I can trust. Small circle of friends is growing. I love this part of my healing.
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