Over all I agree with her on many points. Trying to tell about sexual abuse is almost impossible. The threats to me were horrific…when I finally did tell my counselor he watched as I physically struggled to get the words out of my mouth. Shame and blame are often two components combined to shut down the victim. Multiple forms of abuse are used to keep a child a victim.
Healing is possible. Difficult but possible. I am blessed with a husband who has stood by me in this difficult journey.
Forgiveness is a sticky situation. Most abusers don’t want forgiveness, they want to ‘get away’ with their abhorrent behavior and have no consequences. What I learned about forgiveness is I evict them out of my brain and heart. They have no more control over me. If the law requires prison, yes, I believe they should go to prison. Mostly because one abuser can hurt 200 to 600 children over a life time of sick behavior. They need to be stopped. Also my counselor taught me there is a massive difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. To me, forgiveness means I no longer allow them to take up space in my heart and mind. However, I will keep a distance from them. I will not invite them back into my life. I do not need to make their consequences easy for them. The main abuser in my life was sent to prison. I no longer feel angry when people defend him and claim he was framed. I feel sad that they are so lacking in understanding the horrible consequences so many children live with because of the actions of an evil individual. The person that finally sent him to jail was murdered. This abuser is now dead. I no longer feel a need to beat the man should I ever meet him in the after life. I am thankful he is dead. I do believe that Christ will take care of the consequences. I am saddened by survivors being bullied into having sexual abusers in their life to ‘prove’ they have forgiven them. That is a lie. It proves nothing. I repeat and agree with my counselor forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself, it opens the door to reconciliation. I decide if I walk through that door.