Recognizing abuse

Warning Warning Tonight’s post is tough.  If you are prone to be triggered by discussing Sexual abuse and grooming GO BACK one post and enjoy some process art…..there are no mistakes in art, only new designs. 

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This is tough for me to write.  Recognizing sexual abuse and the process of grooming was one of the toughest I had to do.  This is where my brain refused to go.  This is where my worse flashbacks take me.  Deep breath…..two more deep breathes…..this is important otherwise I would never discuss it or write about it.


This haunts me continually.  This is the stuff of dark nightmares, feeling suffocated, death would be welcomed release.  I do not encourage suicide in any form for any reason….however, I would be lying to you if I did not state that the horrific memories of sexual abuse brought me closer to suicide than any other form of abuse.  I chose to live and prove that the man that use my body for his own twisted definitions of pleasure….my pain was his pleasure….he enjoyed hurting me and blaming me.  He is dead.  He is very much alive in my nightmares.  Some nights sleeping with the light on is my best choice.

Here goes:  First the law in many of the United States….We are an interesting country in that each State has their own definition and laws, sadly this also makes prosecuting more difficult.  Sadder still selling a child into prostitution is not illegal in some countries.  Human trafficking swirls around sex trafficking.

Sexual Abuse/Exploitation
All States include sexual abuse in their definitions of
child abuse. Some States refer in general terms to sexual
abuse, while others specify various acts as sexual abuse.
Sexual exploitation is an element of the definition of
sexual abuse in most jurisdictions. Sexual exploitation
includes allowing the child to engage in prostitution or
in the production of child pornography. In 21 States, the
definition of sexual abuse includes human trafficking,
including sex trafficking or trafficking of children for
sexual purposes.
Stark  – sterile – mere words do not and cannot portray the prevalence and horrific depths that predators will go to sexually abuse a child.
You can look up the statistics and they will vary wildly because they don’t use the same definitions.  Some focus only on girls…..this is a lie.  Boys are also sexually assaulted.  A huge portion of those with Complex PTSD are survivors of sexual abuse.  It is almost to the point that a person with CPTSD feels a need to explain if they are not a survivor of sexual abuse.  The first boundary a child should learn is that they have the right to their own body.  Grooming, a deliberate actions to lower a child’s defenses and convince the child to relinquish this right.  Predators will groom a child to believe that what is happening is their fault and wanted by the victim.  Twisting and distorting beyond all civil or moral recognition.  This is blame the victim at its ugliest.
What are examples of grooming a child?….subtle things like allowing an adult to hug a child too intimately.   Hard to tell by an outside observer, all too uncomfortable for a child.  With my first child, I established the rule that a child could choose not to be hugged by anybody they chose not to be hugged by, including me.  Other subtle ways of grooming a child is ‘sexy’ clothing more appropriate for someone that is 20 something instead of 2 or 3 years old.  I remember my mother shortening my skirts so short that my teachers complained.  I wore short shorts, Daisy dukes before Daisy Duke did.  I was also encouraged to kiss men to thank them for something.  I was put in harms way deliberately again and again.  I was forbidden to say no to going out with a guy.  Didn’t matter that the guy gave me the creeps.  These are the things I remember.  I was overly cautious yet totally unable to discuss sex with my children.  I actually bought a book that explained it.  As a parent I was an epic fail.
This is a tough subject to research since the algorithms will more likely lead you to porn sites than legitimate information on surviving sexual abuse.
Healing from sexual abuse is a long difficult battle….it is worth it.  It is an ongoing battle with many whip lash reversals and set backs.  The rage I felt when I realized how my mother set me up to be sexually abused by anyone hit epic proportions when I understood what she did.  The neighbor pedophile used and manipulated me even farther.
Many websites will go into detail….I won’t/can’t saying it once to my counselor caused excruciating emotional pain.  Fortunately, my counselor understood the necessity to stop the secrets.  NO MORE SECRETS!!!!!!!!  In the next post, I’ll write what I did to help learn to take back my body as mine.

3 thoughts on “Recognizing abuse

  1. Very tough read, but I applaud and admire your courage to heal and help others. The sharp knife of the pain never goes away, but I do hope for your sake that the pain dulls over time as you continue to bravely march forward! Thank you for sharing so openly! You will probably never know how many and who all you have helped!!! Peace to you!!

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