Finishing

For years, I had great plans and wishes but no energy to finish anything.  I mean I started out great and then life happened and I would bury another half finished project.  Then came counseling, graduating from university, and completing several crocheted projects as in blanket type projects.  I am finishing up another one.  This weekend I finished 10 baby blankets.  I joked that buying material for projects was different than actually doing them.  I am learning to finish what I started.

My son-in-law shares ideas about changing your paradigm.  I already did once.  But I realized listening to his video this morning on commitment is in my heart of hearts….I don’t believe I am good enough to finish.  I want to, I wish to but that commitment step is difficult.  The negative tapes comes roaring to life inside my own head pointing out all the projects I never finished.  The Barbie doll clothes I was supposed to make, the shirt for my husband’s birthday 5 years in a row (I finally burnt that one), this list is legendary and I stash the evidence in my sewing room that I can barely walk in.  So where is the commitment to finish.  Pondered on that all day.  I came to a weird understanding.  If I have projects waiting to be finished then I am planning to live.  Wow.  I lived so many years under the cloud of I could die at any time.  Now, I am living.  I have plans to keep on living and create and do all those amazing projects waiting for me.  All those projects attest to my continued commitment to living.  I’m looking at my hoarding in a whole new way.

 

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