Planning Helps prepare

Like clock work my anxiety rises and falls with certain seasons.  I finally figured out that the anxiety starts mid October…..my mother’s birthday….until end of school when she would finally relax.  My life still seems to revolve around my mother that explained to me she hated me in our last conversation. So how do I…

Name that emotion

One of the challenges I experienced was dissociation.  I separated myself so completely from my emotions that I could not name what I felt at any given time.  Much of the time I felt gray…..I spent months taking pictures of gray trying to find the one the exemplified how I felt. After hundreds and hundreds…

If I….

I never think on a grand scale.  I am doing good to get myself together at the beginning of the day and make it through without making a mess of something.  Life is like that for me. However, IF I wanted to think on a grand scale and create a curriculum to help prevent suicide…

5 years

I started this blog 5 years ago.  There was very little online that wasn’t directed to the military with PTSD.  CPTSD wasn’t mentioned yet.  I wanted there to be a voice for those with no memory of before trauma.  I wanted to say, there is life after trauma.  I want to get out to anyone…

Layers of hiding

Early on in my counseling, I explained that one of my medical doctors told me that I was depressed and didn’t know it.  I felt like “DUH” I would know if I was depressed.  My therapist looked fairly amused while I recounted this experience.  (I learned to be very cautious if my counselor was amused…

No April Fools for me

I am very thankful that our school celebrates a pseudo holiday.  No school on April fools day.  It is a huge relief not to be at school because I am terrible at playing April fools jokes and I don’t handle them well either.  Today I thought I was reading a real article because the source…