I posted this on my other blog: http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2015/03/misbehaving-children.html I felt that it applied here too.
I am doing research to find information about why children misbehave. The interesting thing for me is I don’t think adults are much different. I am learning many things that would have helped if I knew this information when I raised my children. Now they all have children of their own. However, I learned that children and adults are not all that different. I read a description of a child throwing a tantrum. I laughed because it read just like some adults I knew. This is a list of some of the articles that I thought were interesting:
Why young children behave and misbehave
8 reasons why children misbehave (with solutions!)
Why Children Misbehave
My favorites are the ones that include solutions.
The first one includes these areas:
Basic needs not being met. Yup, when I am hungry, tired, too cold, or feeling sick I struggle with my behavior. I told more than one person that I am much nicer after eating. In a marriage, counselors recommend starting a discussion after eating. Hmmm adults aren’t much different than kids.
Weather – this is so true. I am more likely to be cranky or get sick when the weather changes. The change from high to low pressure really does affect me. I can now predict weather changes by aching joints.
Changes in routine. I learned to make adjustment for a change in my routine. I am learning about how important it is for me to have adjustment time and getting used to a new routine.
A new baby brother or sister.…well for children it is adding a sibling, as an adult it might be a change in my employment which changes my routine…see above.
Boredom. Now that I can feel boredom, I noticed I will do anything to break up the feeling of boredom. I have a list of things for myself to do that is constructive for when I get bored. I am not bored very often.
Over-excitement…oh yea. I get very cranky when I have too much to do and feel swamped. I am more likely to speak hastily or unkindly when I am overwhelmed with too much.
Growth and independence interesting how they list these as reasons children misbehave. I noticed that as I grew healthier I had complaints from people because I was changing and they wanted me to remain the same.
Challenging situations another area where I recognize that a challenge can be good for me but too much can leave me over tired and cranky. Also if there is an element of fear to the challenging situation I can behave much worse.
Unique relationships. I am learning that some people just irritate me. I don’t know if it is the way they look, something they said or they just rub me the wrong way. I didn’t understand how I interacted differently with different people until I was in counseling for several years. This was something I learned about in counseling.
Learning which behaviors work best. My counselor had me do experiments in relationships to find out what behaviors or techniques in communicating worked with which people. We are not born understanding how to make relationships work. If an experiment goes badly, the consequences may appear like bad behavior on my part.
Rivalry and jealousy. Yup, if I can’t get attention from my spouse in a healthy way, I am quite capable of choosing an unhealthy way to get their attention.
I added the orange words that shows that adult self-regulation isn’t much different than raising a child.
“In summary, children (adults) have reasons for their misbehavior. Our job, as parents (as individuals), is to discover what is causing them (ourselves) to act in both appropriate and inappropriate ways. By helping children understand your rules (better understanding my own behavior), showing them (myself) acceptance and love, protecting them (myself) from over stimulation, providing them (myself) with a rich learning environment, and allowing appropriate (myself) independence-seeking, we can prevent much unnecessary misbehavior, making life more fun for both our young children and ourselves.”
Self-parenting is an essential step towards healthier living. I wasn’t parented as a child so I’m the one that can make up for those deficiencies.
One thought on “children and adults not too different”
An example of unexpected struggle: A friend of mine focused his studies on the ear canal. I complained about buzzing in my ears when I sing in a group. I asked him how to stop it. “Stop singing in a group.” Either my ear canal is too short or too long, but feedback builds up in my ear. He explained that certain voices will grate on your nerves because of the way your ear hears them. I stopped singing in choir and relieved a stress. It also helps explain some of my discomfort in crowds.