Run, Run

Run, run as fast as you can,

You can’t catch me

I’m the gingerbread man.

I sometimes feel that I am racing from one activity after another with barely a breath in between.  This week my body shut down on Thursday…I felt deep gratitude that I made it all the way home before my body completely passed out.  (Passing out while driving is a real and present danger.)  I walked in the door and collapsed on the couch and slept for over an hour before dragging myself awake to go to my karate lesson.  One of the on going challenges of PTSD is the wear-n-tear on the body is massive.  Every so often the body rebels and quits.  Doesn’t care what is on my list of things to do.  Doesn’t matter if I am work, home or driving.  Doesn’t take me into consideration at all.  I know the routine.  Race to get things done, collapse, sleep, wake up hearing the beep-beep-beep of the psychological truck that just ran over me….the beeping means it is backing up to run me over again.  Takes a while to get my brain and body back on speaking terms. I am thankful to have reduced these life disruptions to only one or two per month.  In my 30s, it was a daily occurrence.  Pacing myself doesn’t seem to help. I have noticed that the most likely time for a crash is right after a major project.  This week I assisted in getting a children’s book written by students ready for them to take to a national competition.  I met the deadline.  After a major event is over my body shuts down.  Instead of a little slump I hit a brick wall and no longer able to function.  These were the symptoms I took to the doctor’s office when I was 15 again when I was 17 and again when I was pregnant….the doctors blamed all the symptoms on being a teenager, pregnant or a new mother.  Finally I finished having kids, by then I wasn’t a teenager so I went to the doctors again to find out what was wrong with me.  Full brain scan, glucose tolerance test, blood test, and every other test they could think of and all the information came back with was that I was a little low with electrolytes.  Through my own study, I learned that being low on electrolytes is not good.  Medical doctors had very little information on what would actually help.  From my own study I learned that sleep, exercise, and counseling all help.  For me, I also need to keep up my prayers and spending time on my spiritual well being.  Both my doctor and my counselor agreed that no amount of medication would help me process the trauma from my childhood.  However, medication for a thyroid that quit and well chosen supplements help me to function better than I ever believed possible.  I am determined to live a full and productive life while living with PTSD.  I believe it is possible and strive in this direction every day.


On the go……Keep Running.

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