Question: How to answer a frequent user of the phrase GET OVER IT to her friends, family and children. It seems to be her “go to phrase” that totally stops the conversation? I want to respond to her some way but generally feel discounted and dismissed. What can be said that will cause her to halt and listen? I don’t want a fight but I do not want to be treated so rudely.

My Answer:

Several possibilities…..varying degrees of consequences.

To a stranger, I simply ignore. Not worth time or energy to explain to someone I won’t meet again.

To a friend, someone I trust and have a good relationship. I would state simply, “When you tell me to get over it, I feel hurt by the implication that I am not working at a very large challenge. I would love to get over it…. do you have suggestions?”

To a person like you describe consider several possibilities…..
a. They don’t know what to say and they don’t want to deal with it therefore dismissing it and telling you to get over it she can wash her hands of the issue. Say nothing, her comment is not about you. It is about her feelings of inadequacy in the face of a difficult challenge.
b. They truly are heartless and bitter because someone said it to them when they were suffering, Hug them lovingly and inquire why they feel it is necessary to belittle someone else.
c. This is for those sarcastic moments and continuing a relationship is not planned on. (Yes, I have gone no contact with family members at different times of my healing.) “Oh Geez….why didn’t I think of that? Well, I’ll just get over it right now, as soon as you show me what it is?” This last one my sister calls scorched Earth words….might end the relationship but that might be what is needed for your continued emotional health.

I do remind myself that what others say is rarely about me. It is more of a commentary on themselves.

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