Be kind to people

I found a web page on 16 ways to help someone with PTSD.  After reading it several times, I decided it is great suggestion on how to treat almost anyone.  (I always use a qualifier since there are some people it doesn’t matter how you behave they are determined to make life miserable.)

My comments added in blue

  1. Learn everything you can about PTSD. By knowing all of this information, you will be better able to handle the situation. (Learn about the other person especially their challenges and hobbies.)
  2. Exercise together. Exercising strengthens the overall body and improves health. (Going for a walk, hiking, karate, tai chi, yoga, dance, or any activity that gets people moving together.)
  3. Don’t judge them. (No one likes to be judged.)
  4. Be there to listen. Make your self available to them when they need to talk. Be an active listener by giving input when needed. (Most people love to be heard.)
  5. Show respect. Respect them even though they may be having a difficult time at the moment. (Respect is a universal gift.  My amazing counselor respected me no matter what I said to him about my life.  He helped me to feel respected and finally respect myself. Respect is an action verb like love.)
  6. Look out for them. Show you care by recognizing when everything doesn’t seem to be okay. (People appreciate knowing you have their back and watching out for each other…caring about what happens to the other person.)
  7. Allow room for mistakes. Recognize that they will make mistakes, but always be there to forgive them and offer help if needed.  (Allowing mistakes creates room for growing.  I learned from my counselor that I would not be treated harshly for making a mistake.  Mistakes are where learning happens.)
  8. Talk positively.  (Tricky one here.  I appreciate positive upbeat talk but I also appreciate the opportunity to express my frustrations.  Kindest thing my counselor did for me was acknowledged that my childhood sucked. Looking for silver linings is great as long as I’m allowed to acknowledge the clouds.)
  9. Give them their space. Your loved one may not always want your opinion on everything, be willing to step aside every once in a while and give them some space. (I am still trying to learn to do this.  Most people need a bit of space, room to grow and explore without constant comment.)
  10. Be active together. Planning and participating in family activities can be a fun way to interact and show them you don’t look down on them. (Doing things together builds relationships.  Eat together, play together, work together, pray together, I believe the operative word is TOGETHER.  My counselor helped me understand the importance of doing things together.)
  11. Love them. (Love helps almost everything.  Sadly no matter how much I loved my abuser, the person was incapable of returning those feelings.)
  12. Don’t belittle them. While it is important to not expect too much, not expecting anything at all is unnecessary and can be hurtful. (I don’t know of anyone that enjoys being belittled.  Making someone else feel small doesn’t make the other person big.)
  13. Be patient. (Yup especially with myself.)
  14. Avoid harsh remarks. Stay away from telling your friend or family member to get over their problems, this may only make problems worse. (I believe this goes along with respect.  Works for most people, too.)
  15. Encourage their self-esteem.  (Remember you can’t give them 2 liters of self-esteem but you can give them opportunities to succeed.)
  16. Take care of yourself. Remember that you can’t take care of someone else if you haven’t dealt with yourself first. In many cases seeking out a friend to help you is beneficial. (Self-care is not selfish.  I like the quote, ‘you can’t feel a glass from an empty pitcher.’ Loving yourself makes it possible to love others.)

There you have two opinions on 16 ways to treat other people.

_RM26282Can’t have silver linings without clouds.

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