Tonight is one of those nights that I wish I was still in counseling with my first counselor.  He let me email him when I felt tremendous internal pressure and I needed to let off steam without harming anyone, myself included.  He wouldn’t always answer.  Many times it would be a short acknowledgement that we could discuss what was happening to me that I felt so much internal frustration/hurt/rage/sadness basically a train wreck of emotions that I would dump on his office floor.  We would then sort out the main things to work on and I would go for another week.  Now, I have the stuff dumped on my floor and I just look at it feeling sad/frustrated/overwhelmed when I only want to feel excited about Christmas and skip the rest.  Sometimes the hard thing about writing this blog is I want to tell people that life gets better but bad days still happen.  So why bother with counseling?  My bad days are fewer with more good days in between.  I recognize them for what they are, bad days not a bad life.  I don’t seek to blame anyone or anything.  I accept that ups and downs will happen no matter what I do or whatever happens.  I’m thankful I had a counselor that diagnosed me correctly the first time around.  He knew more about what was going inside of me than I did.  Every once in a while, it felt kind of spooky….was he poking around inside of my nightmares?   Naw, he was an intelligent caring listener that understood human behavior and worked hard to teach me how to be a whole person.  He made a huge difference in my life.

Dumping out my puzzle pieces in trying to figure out how to put me together again.