Feeling Stupid

One of the more unpleasant emotions is feeling stupid.  Ever thought of that as an emotion?  It has to do with how you feel and it often motivates a person to quit, give up, hide, or feel inferior.  PTSD arranges many opportunities to feel stupid.  One of the ‘glitches’ of PTSD is a gap in memory.  I improved, instead of days, I now miss only hours or minutes.  Unfortunately those missing minutes can be crucial.  Yesterday, I attempted my first sparring in Karate.  I carefully took out my hearing aides, placed them in a box, and put them in a safe place.  The sparring was very stressful but not actually difficult.  Just me over reacting by a lot.  After we were done, I went to retrieve my hearing aides.  I couldn’t find them and I couldn’t remember where I put them in the ‘safe spot.’  $3000 hearing aides were very important to find.  Within 10 minutes I had the whole class looking for my hearing aides.  One of the other ladies found them in a zipper pocket I forgot I had in my bag.  I felt stupid.  Fortunately, my class is a place of acceptance.  It happened.  Hearing aides were found.  Its all good.  Sadly, there are many situations where ridicule and teasing intensify my feeling stupid.  I am learning that acceptance of a mental ‘glitch’ goes a long way towards lessening the feeling of stupidity when I realized I was the one that put the hearing aides in a safe place that I couldn’t find.  This is just one of many occasions when my brain goes on vacation without me.  Accepting the glitches helps lessens my anxiety that helps to lessen having more forgetful moments.

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