Happen again

“You worry about things that will never happen.”  Sadly, this was a comment used to put me down.  No one believed what happened on 9/11 when planes fell from the sky.  Those that predicted such an extreme event before that day were ridiculed and told they were ridiculous that Americans would never be attacked on United States soil.  The predictions were accurate.  People that lived through trauma are worried that horrible things will happen again.  Terrified that planes will fall from the sky again.  That a man will come through their window and rape them again.  That the dead parent will some how beat them again.  People with PTSD worry about horrific events happening again.  The desire is to be prepared the next time.  To not be knocked down next time.  To get away from their attackers next time.  These thoughts can start swirling around and around in their minds until that is all they think about.

“Telling me my greatest fears aren’t real or going to happen doesn’t help me. I understand they can seem outrageous at times, but prior to my traumatic experience, had I told you something like that was going to happen, you would have said ‘no way.‘”
— Monika Schneider

Sometimes reality is harder than we want it to be.  Doesn’t change that it actually happened.  Telling me not to worry doesn’t convince me that horrific things will never happen again.  So how do I work at not drowning in my own fears uncertainty?

For me, faith in Christ goes along way to reassuring me that there is something besides the darkness.  I also like the quote, “I survived 100% of my bad days.”  Each day I get through I start to recognize my own strength growing.  It doesn’t mean that I am worry free every day.  It means when I worry, I can get on my knees and pray.  It means when fear is baiting me, I can move forward for the next 5 minutes.  Each 5 minutes I make it through reassures me that I can get through the next 5 minutes and the next and the next.  My faith makes a huge difference in my recovery.  I don’t believe that when I worry I am lacking faith, I do believe that worried or not I take another step forward is an act of faith.


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