Smashing things all together

My counselor lectured me often (read that as at least once or twice a month for 7 years) about lumping/smashing/tangling things all together.  He taught me to pull apart problems and separate them into parts.  For example, I would complain about some event at work.  He would help me sort through what was knee-jerk reaction from something in my past.   What is the current frustration?  What is the emotion I am feeling?  Name them and try to figure out why they are attached to the situation that is causing me anxiety.  If I feel angry, what is the emotion hiding behind that feeling?  I would sometimes spend the whole session in counseling, picking a part an event and trying to see where all the pieces fit together.  The events that cause my PTSD, trauma, did not allow the luxury of examining how I felt.  I needed split second reflexes to avoid serious bodily damage.  Part of PTSD is jumping into the amygdala and hyper awareness.  This tends to give me little room to analyze, consider my actions, or evaluate my best path.  When I was told to jump, I jumped.  If I felt brave, I would ask how high on the way up.  I still tend to jumble everything together.  Sorting, organizing, analyzing, then choosing  a course of action takes time.

Scrambled pieces

Scrambled pieces

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.