On Facebook friends posted an article about how complaining rewires your brain. http://truththeory.com/2016/07/11/how-complaining-rewires-your-brain-for-negativity-and-how-to-break-the-habit/
“Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better.” ~Unknown
The article makes several good points about complaining being a habit, also explains ways to break gripe talk.
So why the title? One of the biggies on the abuser’s must do to victims list is to convince them not to say anything. How better than to tell their victim that they need to stop complaining? How better to blame the victim for whining? What better way to silence a person than to accuse the victim for being unreasonable and complaining all the time? Abusers will use whatever method or trick or threat or social pressure to silence their victims.
One of the first and most painful parts of my years in counseling was my therapist had to get me angry enough to complain about how I was treated. I needed to recognize that how I was treated was not acceptable. He needed me to see the abuse for what it was, abuse for years. I was raised on the axiom, ‘He who complains has too much.’ If I objected, complained about the food I ate, I was put on bread and water, pioneer food. Teaching me that complaints were punished. Thing was the food she gave me tore me up inside and made me physically ill. I finally ended up in the hospital years later from a tear in the lining of my stomach. The doctor looked at me in confusion, “Didn’t your stomach hurt?” Yes, yes it did, for years. My parents gave me my grandmother’s prescription medication to mask the symptoms rather than admit that what they were feeding me was hurting me. Just this week I was diagnosed with an illness, I probably had for months…I didn’t want to complain. I finally saw my doctor and test showed the problem. I’m on medication now. I look forward to feeling better. The habit of complaining can be annoying to others around you, but refusing to recognize problems is not healthy either. I would like to change the quote above:
“Spending time recognizing and solving problems from yesterday prepare you for a better tomorrow.” Me.
My counselor would ask me if I wanted a WAMBULANCE if I came into his office whining with no thought of how to solve the problem. Makes no sense to complain about my weight then eat 2 desserts. It doesn’t make sense to complain about how I am treated but set no healthy boundaries. It doesn’t make sense to complain without any thought into how to solve the situation I am in. I learned long ago, if you look for the bad in the World you will find it. If you look for the good in the World, you will find that too. I learned in counseling that until I recognize a problem I can’t repair it. I learned to improve my life, I needed to see what was wrong and change it. Counseling is a life changing experience, it should be or you waste your money and the therapist’s time.
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”