One of the confusing things that my counselor spent many hours trying to help me understand was I needed to fire my mean boss. That mean boss that expects me to arrive early and leave late. The one that doesn’t allow any sick time. Punishes me for not doing enough. Rages at me for the smallest mistake….I didn’t have a boss like that. My counselor had to get out the crayons and draw a picture for me. The mean boss was me. I treated myself worse than anyone else.
Lilly Hope Lucario wrote an excellent article explaining that different ways that abuse survivors turn on themselves. It feels weird not to be abused so I step up and punish myself for the slightest mistake. Expect myself to work twice as hard and longer than anyone else. Beat myself up for taking too long to heal. This article hit a strong discord kind of a smack in the face wake up call.
Discouraging for me to see how many I have done or still do. I think this summer will be a time to learn to care for myself.