I did it for years.  I negated every and any compliment I received.  If someone said I did something well, I pointed out what I messed up.  Every compliment was turned aside or ignored.  I wouldn’t….couldn’t see myself as a good person, so compliments must be a lie.  Turned my world upside down and inside out during counseling.  One of the things my counselor worked tirelessly towards was to convince me I am a good person and I deserve compliments.

I can’t accept compliments.

One of the assignments was the 5/50 project.  I did something nice for someone every day and it couldn’t take longer than 5 minutes or cost more than 50 cents.  Then I was to write down what I did each day.  After I week I brought it back to therapy.  He asked me what I learned.  I answered, “I learned that I am missing many opportunities to help others.”  <arrrrrggggggggg>  My counselor shook his head…..I was supposed to understand that I am a good person capable of doing kind things.  I needed to turn my world inside out and upside down. I was taught that I was a bad person and deserved every bit of abuse dished out to me.  This is what abusers, tyrants, monsters do, they convince their victims and everyone they hurt that it is there own fault they were hurt.

You made me mad.

You made me hit you.

If you had done what you were told I wouldn’t beat you.

The horrific list of blame the victim goes on and on and on.  Shooting at school and the news points out that the shooter was bullied by their victims….they deserved to die.  BS.  Many times the people they hurt were innocent of anything.

I needed to learn I am a good person, I do kind things, and when I get a compliment is “Thank you.”

It took a long time….years in fact before the weekly compliments my therapist gave me I was finally able to see “Thank you” and mean it.  Did I mention that my therapist was very persistent?  He understood that importance of me seeing myself as a good person and deserving of good things like compliments.


One thought on “Compliments

  1. Pingback: 2 of 25 Things | The Project: Me by Judy

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