What to do with anger?

My counselor taught me that anger is a secondary emotion, hurt, fear, and frustration come first. If your therapist is willing let them walk you through pealing back the anger to explore the hurt you have felt, the fear generated from your experiences, and frustration that people don’t change. Another part of the package is forgiving yourself. One of the things that abusers do is convince their victims it is their fault and caused the abuse. Intellectually it is easy to recognize you are not to blame but emotionally that is a lot harder. Learning to forgive myself, cut myself some slack, parent myself became a prime project as I worked through all the things I was angry about.

One thing that helped was my counselor had me buy a box of skeets/clay pigeons. I laid out plastic next to the fence then threw them against the wall. I labeled each one with some memory that I was angry about. My counselor was stunned when he found out I went out and bought a second box. He explained most people don’t finish the first box. He helped me understand I had a lot of built anger for very good reasons. Now I use anger to clue me in to other emotions I am feeling when my body and emotions are recognizing danger before my mind does.  I also learned that anger is an alert to a boundary violation.  I have boundaries, I just didn’t realize it until I connected feeling angry when someone trespassed on one of them.  I hope my experience helps you. Good luck.


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