Let go

I made plans.  They got changed but I am struggling with letting go of the original plan.  Last night in karate we were practicing actual physical contact with the idea of not hurting the other person but showing the move correctly.  One of the other people did something I didn’t expect.  I stood there frozen and freaked out because I felt if I did step one I couldn’t do step two.  No matter how I visualized I would fail.  I freaked. I froze.  I couldn’t do it perfectly so I didn’t do anything at all.  I stood there.  My mind raced but didn’t focus.  My teacher allowed me to try again and again.  I couldn’t articulate what was happening.  I stood there frustrated, frozen, afraid to move or do anything.  I needed to let go of my expectation and accept that things were different than I planned.  Oh great.  I tell you to make plans then I tell you to let go of them.  Isn’t that just ridiculous?  But this is life.  We make plans and things change so that the plans no longer work.  I need to be open to letting go one set of plans and moving onto another set of plans.  Failing is not the end of the World.  Messing up will not mean I will be tortured again.  I will not be pinched because I mispronounced a word.  I will not be punished for not working fast enough.  I will not experience pain for the slightest infraction.  I mess up, get up , and go again.  I let go of that perfectionism that drives me into the ground.  I let go of my preconceived idea of what needs to happen for me to succeed.  I let go of my desire to do everything perfectly.  I let go of my desire to punish myself.  Wow.  I make plans and then I let go to allow life to be flexible.  I won’t break.  I am on an ADVENTURE.  Thanks sis.

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