of the season. With PTSD one of the things I am guaranteed is I mess up. The higher the stress the more spectacular the screw ups. I could beat myself up but what good would it do. Today I went into full retreat at work. A substitute teacher was talking about highly controversial subjects and I shut down and didn’t speak up. I felt myself closing down. Second screw up, I bought Halloween cards for all the grandkids and lost half of them. Halloween is tomorrow. I need to let it go. I’ll find them eventually and save them for next year. Halloween is tomorrow. I feel myself stretching thinner and thinner emotionally. But this happens every year. I love Halloween but I may be retreating to cope this year. My first counselor watched the pattern of accelerating inward collapse every year. He would get me to talk and talk and talk but never did figure out why I fall apart so completely. I’m sad. I want to hang on to the excitement and happiness of the Holidays but that seems to slip through my fingers faster than snow melting in the desert. I know what is happening. I watch myself do this every year. Acceptance is the key. I accept that this time of year, I screw up. Hugs myself and move on.