Sad and continued sad

Sadness and sorrow and grieving are no longer accepted in society.  Feeling these emotions is now taboo.  The assault on sadness is long time story.  I remember at the earliest age the concept of a British stiff upper lip, enduring without showing any emotion for great losses.  As a child I was punished for being sad, because in my mother’s opinion I had so much I had no ‘right’ to be sad.  If a person is sad, people want to ‘make’ them happy, by whatever means possible.  In counseling was the first place I encountered that not only was I allowed to be sad but encouraged that sadness and grieving is a necessary part of healing.  Two different counselors explained that I needed to  sit with those sad emotions and accept them.  What?  Wasn’t counseling supposed to ‘make’ me happy?  I learned in counseling that sad emotions are not bad.  Sad is not bad took a lot for me to wrap my mind around.  Grieving was a good thing at times of loss and refusing to accept those sad emotions resulted in anger, dissociation and a host of other ailments all connected with mood disorders because I didn’t want the bad feelings that I was punished for as a child.  Sadly I didn’t do much better as a parent.  I didn’t learn until after my children were grown that sadness is the emotional reaction to loss.  I needed to feel sad.  I needed to grieve the great loss of my childhood.  I needed to feel what I needed to feel and not punish myself for feeling those feelings.

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