Sneaky Grief

My counselor did not warn me when he helped me reconnect to emotions that these pesky things are messy, sneaky, inconvenient and down right troublesome.  I am struggling in a morass of emotions of my own making.  But I’ve never been happier, more at peace or better adjusted.  Too many people want to runaway from…

Can’t Make Him Happy

I belong to 2 CPTSD/PTSD groups on Facebook.  I don’t remember which one posted the question but a woman asked how she could help her little girl be happy again because they were going on a mother/daughter trip and the daddy said he would be sad while they were gone.  The little tender hearted girl…

Name that emotion

One of the challenges I experienced was dissociation.  I separated myself so completely from my emotions that I could not name what I felt at any given time.  Much of the time I felt gray…..I spent months taking pictures of gray trying to find the one the exemplified how I felt. After hundreds and hundreds…

Sad and continued sad

Sadness and sorrow and grieving are no longer accepted in society.  Feeling these emotions is now taboo.  The assault on sadness is long time story.  I remember at the earliest age the concept of a British stiff upper lip, enduring without showing any emotion for great losses.  As a child I was punished for being…

Emotion Regulation is not

Stopping or cutting off emotions.  Dissociation/cutting off emotions is like freezing frogs….as soon as you thaw them they are hopping all over just the same.  Why do I know this?  I used dissociation to obliterate anger and other negative emotions.  Sadly it did the same thing to love and happiness…only the emotions didn’t go away,…

Worry is a Bully

Late at night, I know I should be trying to sleep and I am watching a rerun of NCIS.  It is the episode that Gibbs persuades Timothy that after an ordeal he should seek counseling.  The counselor listens to Timothy’s concerns then states, “Worry is a bully.”  It was like a huge light bulb moment. …

Still

I was looking for the author of the poem that I posted on my other blog.  http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2018/05/healing-is-messy.html The poem appealed to me because I felt like there was someone else besides me that seems to think it is OK to be messy while we heal and that after healing life is still messy.   So…