What if…

What if you don’t know what is wrong with you.  I first noticed that there was something different about me when I was a teenager.  I listened to my friends talk about crushes, school, and family I felt totally out of the loop.  I was fascinated by their perspective but my concerns and worries didn’t…

Question of Church

Yes, my abusers went to the same church as I did. I was blamed by people at church.  I experienced victim shaming at church.  There are unpleasant people at church.  So why do I still attend church?  My relationship with God, the Father and Jesus Christ are not about them.  I felt the promptings of…

In Search of Knights

Needs shiny armor and white horse. Feeling helpless as a child I wanted someone to rescue me.  That same theme is echoed in many childhood stories of someone swooping in and saving the day – EVERYDAY.  The Lone Ranger, Mighty Mouse, The Prince in Cinderella and Snow White, Lassie, all continue this theme of someone…

Loss of Faith sometimes

Faith is a tricky thing.  First off, not everyone believes it is the same thing. The computer dictionary shares this on faith: complete trust or confidence in someone or something; strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. From the article: “Complex trauma survivors often endure…

Every Part of my Life

I was once asked by a counselor what aspects of my life were impacted by PTSD.  Simple answer, “All of it.” There is not one part of my life left untouched by PTSD, or some people are calling multiple event trauma Complex PTSD.  I struggled with understanding how deeply I am affected.  I was raised…

Contradictions in Religion

One of the most insidious and long reaching abuses is often completely ignored or denied.  That is religious abuse. My definition is taking the concept of Heavenly Father, God, and twist it to mean something so horrible that either a person fears God to the point of being unwilling to study the scriptures or pray,…

Advantage of religion

Every bit of research I’ve read on PTSD and religion is that those with some belief in a Supreme Being have the advantage.  They believe there is something more, something bigger than this one moment.  I had nightmares most of last night I woke up and was thankful to be awake.  Sleep is highly overrated. …

Self-care vs Selfish

***********Trigger warning*************  written specifically for those with a strong Christian background.   I was taught methodically and purposefully to neglect myself, to serve others, and self-care was being selfish.  Lies upon lies.  Martyrs come in all shapes and sizes.  Putting a cause, others, and anything else before yourself is foolish at best and down right…

Depth of the Sea

One of the abuses that I faced was religious abuse.  Twisting scriptures to their own design abusers use God as their motivation to terrorize and brutalize their victims.  I didn’t read the Bible for a long time because of how it was used to twist meanings. I am sharing from my other blog this response…

Why?

I don’t write about religion on this web page often.  Main reason that many survivors are still angry at God. Why me? Why wasn’t I protected? I was a child, wasn’t I important enough to save? I’m told to give service at church, why won’t anyone help me? God’s time is not my time and…