Decide not to stay

The first step towards getting somewhere, is simply to decide that you are not going to stay where you are… then just move forward, one step, one day at a time…when you’re overwhelmed, I know that’s easier said than done, but do just one thing today to help yourself…do one thing you’ve put off doing…there is no big step or giant short cut that gets you where you need to be…it’s lots of little steps and perseverance..

 

One of the paradoxes, there are many in my opinion, of healing is first accepting where you are at then deciding not to stay there.  I do know people that accept where they are and decide to stay exactly that way.  Some have a billion excuses why they are helplessly immobile.  Others get caught in the telling-their-story loop with no plan to move forward.  The world revolves and seasons change, the concept of staying still is foreign to humans.  Constantly changing and improving is considered healthy.  Sometimes a change is for the worse.  I read the story ‘It could always be worse’ many times.  Lived it too, from time to time. I always considered myself a work in progress.  Most of those years I had no idea how much work I needed to do.  PTSD started when I was 5 years old.  I didn’t really know anything else.  I believed that there had to be something better than what I was doing.  After I married, my husband challenged me to learn as much in a semester’s time but not go to college.  This is when I discovered the non-fiction section of the library.  This was before internet.  Mr. Google couldn’t answer my questions, I turned to books.  I read many things and tried many of them.  Not knowing about PTSD or the challenges that were my life, I spun in circles not sure what to do.  Many changes I tried failed.  My first counselor first helped me accept where I was.  As he encouraged self acceptance he also encouraged me to find ways to grow and improve.  One of the concerns he had about giving a diagnosis is the possibility that I would allow PTSD to define who I was and limit me from improving as much as I could.  Some days when I am feeling wiped out it is tempting to curl up in a ball and cry, I’m hurt, I’m wounded, I have PTSD I can’t do anything about it.  Deep breath.  I can make changes in my life.  I can baby step my way out of any hole.  Accepting where I am gives me an opportunity to decide where I want to go.  My choice.  The smallest step is progress.  I choose.

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Choosing to move

 

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