When will I feel better?

Someone posted a note of encouragement on Facebook reminding us with time things will get better.  Two people asked, “When?”  I answered.  I learned that if you want to make PTSD worse….much, much worse…..do nothing.  That’s easy.  I remember the worst time of my life is when I gave up fighting this mysterious illness with no name.  I went to doctors and had many test done, including a complete brain scan, and ‘nothing’ was wrong with me according to the doctors.  I figured I couldn’t do anything so I did nothing.  No prevention.  No research.  No effort.  It made me a prisoner of my own home and unfounded fears…..at least I thought they were unfounded since I didn’t remember anything from my past.  In this pit of despair, I prayed to die.  I felt a comforting voice reassure me I would live to old age.  I wailed, “I can’t go on living this way.!”  My answer, “What are you going to do about it?”  I started fighting back against the shadow warrior.  I took back my life a bit at a time.  I measure progress in years.  I finally started counseling over 10 years later and finally had a name for this nightmare, PTSD.  Then the counselor created a safe place for me to talk about and remember my past.  What a miserable few years.  It started to get better.  I measured progress in years.  As time passes, I feel better and better.  If I take a step back, I call it a cha-cha instead of disaster.  When I wanted to say, but didn’t, “You will start feeling better when you take back your life and stop giving your power away.  You deserve a better life but you have to learn how to live it.”  Henry Ford said it, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

 

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Build a life

 

 

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